but much reason to
be ashamed before God on account of my lack of service; yet, speaking
after the manner of men, in some measure I did work, not only in the
Lord's service, but even in that particular line for which the money had
been put into the hands of the committee.

There remained now only one point more to be settled:

How I should do for the future as it regarded the supply of my temporal
wants, which naturally would have been a great obstacle, especially as I
was not merely a foreigner, but spoke so little English, that whilst I was
greatly assisted in expounding the Scriptures, it was with difficulty I
could converse about common things. On this point, however, I had no
anxiety; for I considered, that, as long as I really sought to serve the
Lord, that is, as long as I sought the kingdom of God and His
righteousness, these my temporal supplies would be added to me. The Lord
most mercifully enabled me to take the promises of His word, and rest upon
them, and such as Matthew vii. 7, 8, John xiv. 13, 14, Matthew vi. 25-34,
were the stay of my soul concerning this point. In addition to this, the
example of brother Groves, the dentist before alluded to, who gave up his
profession, and went out as a missionary, was a great encouragement to me.
For the news, which by this time had arrived, of how the Lord had aided
him on his way to Petersburg, and at Petersburg, strengthened my faith.

At last, on December 12, 1829, I came to the conclusion to dissolve my
connexion with the Society, if they would not accept my services under the
above conditions, and to go throughout the country preaching, (being
particularly constrained to do so from a desire to serve the Lord as much
as in me lay, BEFORE HIS RETURN), and to trust in Him for the supply of my
temporal wants. Yet at the same time it appeared well to me to wait a
month longer, and to consider the matter still further, before I wrote to
the committee, that I might be sure I had weighed it fully.

On December 24th I went to the Church Missionary Institution at
Islington, in the hope of benefiting the students there, if it were the
Lord's will. I returned very happy, as I almost invariably was at that
time, and went to bed full of joy. Next morning, (being that of Christmas
day), I awoke in a very different state of heart from what I had
experienced for many weeks past. I had no enjoyment, and felt cold and
lifeless in prayer. At our usual morning meeting, however, on