When thou shalt face my cook!

* * * * *

"DATE FIXED FOR HANGING RETAILERS."--_Provincial Paper_.

And some of them richly deserve it.

* * * * *

"The League will reconsider traety obligations from time
to time.

"The League will reconsider traeyt obligations from time
to time."--_Evening Paper_.

And then the printer gave it up.

* * * * *

"A Handley Page, with two Rolls-Royce engines, was the
first and only machine to fly to India, and was the first
and only machine to fly to India, and is the second to fly
to India."--_Daily Paper_.

Not the third and only, as for the moment we were tempted to believe.

* * * * *

"Young Educated Girl Pupil Wanted, help animals; live
clergyman's family; pocket-money."--_Newcastle Journal_.

We are glad to hear of a really live clergyman. So many parsons
nowadays are accused of being dead-alive.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE SPREAD OF EDUCATION.

_Maid_. "NO, MUM, I'M NOT GOING TO STAY IN THIS HOUSE TO BE INSULTED
BY HAVING 'SLAVEY' WRITTEN ON THE MAT."]

* * * * *

DAILY AND MAILY.

Mr. Daily burst into the room, slamming the door behind him, to find
Mr. Maily seated before the fire.

"Maily, you're not getting things done," he shouted as he walked
swiftly up and down the Turkey carpet.

"Only buttoning my spat, Daily," said Mr. Maily. Then he too,
springing from his chair, walked rapidly to and fro. But whereas Mr.
Daily chose the route between the window and the motto, "Do something
else NOW!" Mr. Maily took the line between the fireplace and "Keep on
keeping on!" for they seldom felt compelled to stick to one direction.

"Maily, I'm worried," exclaimed Mr. Daily in passing. "Things seem to
be easing down. Even you are not so nimble as you were. This silence
of the public troubles me--haven't been saying things about us for a
long time."

"Some people even praise us," remarked Mr. Maily, disgust mingling
with the perspiration on his face.

"We'll be damned if we put up with praise," Mr. Daily declared.

"We shall. We'd give praise if they'd damn us," said Mr. Maily.

"Never be funny, Maily, if you can help it," warned Mr. Daily. Then
he remarked wistfully, "If they'd only burn us again!"

"Couldn't we go for the