t no easy
matter to get the head off; the cords that tie that on, are as thick
as your finger. It's the greatest fun out there you ever see, _to all
except poor goosey colonist_.

"'I've larfed ready to kill myself at it. Some o' these Englishers that
come out, mounted for the sport, and expect a peerage as a reward for
bringin' home the head and settlin' the business for colonist, do cut
such figurs, it would make you split; and they are all so everlastin'
consaited, they won't take no advice. The way they can't do it is
cautionary. One gets throwed, another gets all covered with grease, a
third loses his hat, a fourth gets run away with by his horse, a fifth
sees he can't do it, makes some excuse, and leaves the ground afore the
sport is over; and now and then, an unfortunate critter gets a hyste
that breaks his own neck. There is only one on 'em that I have see'd out
there, that can do it right.

"It requires some experience, that's a fact. But let John Bull alone for
that; he is a critter that thinks he knows every thing; and if you told
him he didn't, he wouldn't believe you, not he. He'd only pity your
ignorance, and look dreadful sorry for you. Oh if you want to see high
life, come and see "a colonial gander pulling."

"'Tying up a goose, Sir, is no great harm,' sais I, 'seein' that a goose
was made to be killed, picked and devoured, and nothin' else. Tyin' up
a colonist by the heels is another thing. I don't think it right; but
I don't know nothin'; I've had the book too close to my eyes. Joe H--e,
that never was there, can tell you twice as much as I can about the
colonies. The focus to see right, as I said afore, is three thousand
miles off.'

"'Well,' sais he, 'that's a capital illustration, Mr. Slick. There is
more in that than meets the ear. Don't tell me you don't know nothin'
about the colonies; few men know so much as you do. I wish to heavens
you was a colonist,' sais he; 'if you were, I would offer you a
government.'

"'I don't doubt it,' sais I; 'seein' that your department have advanced
or rewarded so many colonists already.' But I don't think he heard that
shot, and I warn't sorry for it; for it's not right to be a pokin' it
into a perlite man, is it?

"'I must tell the Queen that story of _the Gander Pulling_,' sais he; 'I
like it amazingly. It's a capital caricature. I'll send the idea to H.
B. Pray name some day when you are disengaged; I hope you will give me
the pleasure of dining with