d
out of shape by the wet and mud.

"Well, arter all this day of pleasure, it is time to rig up in your
go-to-meetin' clothes for dinner; and that is the same as yesterday,
only stupider, if that's possible; and that is Life in the Country.

"How the plague can it be otherwise than dull? If there is nothin'
to see, there can't be nothin' to talk about. Now the town is full of
things to see. There is Babbage's machine, and Bank Governor's machine,
and the Yankee woman's machine, and the flyin' machine, and all sorts of
machines, and galleries, and tunnels, and mesmerisers, and theatres, and
flower-shows, and cattle-shows, and beast-shows, and every kind of show,
and what's better nor all, beautiful got-up women, and men turned out in
fust chop style, too.

"I don't mean to say country women ain't handsum here, 'cause they be.
There is no sun here; and how in natur' can it be otherways than that
they have good complexions. But it tante safe to be caged with them in
a house out o' town. Fust thing you both do, is to get spooney, makin'
eyes and company-faces at each other, and then think of matin', like
a pair of doves, and that won't answer for the like of you and me. The
fact is, Squire, if you want to see _women_, you musn't go to a house
in the country, nor to mere good company in town for it, tho' there
be first chop articles in both; but you must go among the big bugs the
top-lofty nobility, in London; for since the days of old marm Eve, down
to this instant present time, I don't think there ever was or ever will
be such splendiferous galls as is there. Lord, the fust time I seed 'em
it put me in mind of what happened to me at New Brunswick once. Governor
of Maine sent me over to their Governor's, official-like, with a state
letter, and the British officers axed me to dine to their mess. Well,
the English brags so like niggers, I thought I'd prove 'em, and set 'em
off on their old trade jist for fun. So, says I, stranger captain, sais
I, is all these forks and spoons, and plates and covers, and urns,
and what nots, rael genu_wine_ solid silver, the clear thing, and no
mistake. 'Sartainly,' said he, 'we have nothin' but silver here.' He
did, upon my soul, just as cool, as if it was all true; well you can't
tell a mili_tary_ what he sais ain't credible, or you have to fight
him. It's considered ongenteel, so I jist puts my finger on my nose, and
winks, as much as to say, 'I ain't such a cussed fool as you take me to