y nothing
that she could allege against him in judicious or judicial ears. And to
"insist on separation!" That was an easy combination of words; but
considered as an action to be executed against Grandcourt, it would be
about as practicable as to give him a pliant disposition and a dread of
other people's unwillingness. How was she to begin? What was she to say
that would not be a condemnation of herself? "If I am to have misery
anyhow," was the bitter refrain of her rebellious dreams, "I had better
have the misery that I can keep to myself." Moreover, her capability of
rectitude told her again and again that she had no right to complain of
her contract, or to withdraw from it.

And always among the images that drove her back to submission was
Deronda. The idea of herself separated from her husband, gave Deronda a
changed, perturbing, painful place in her consciousness: instinctively
she felt that the separation would be from him too, and in the
prospective vision of herself as a solitary, dubiously-regarded woman,
she felt some tingling bashfulness at the remembrance of her behavior
towards him. The association of Deronda with a dubious position for
herself was intolerable. And what would he say if he knew everything?
Probably that she ought to bear what she had brought on herself, unless
she were sure that she could make herself a better woman by taking any
other course. And what sort of woman was she to be--solitary, sickened
of life, looked at with a suspicious kind of pity?--even if she could
dream of success in getting that dreary freedom. Mrs. Grandcourt "run
away" would be a more pitiable creature than Gwendolen Harleth
condemned to teach the bishop's daughters, and to be inspected by Mrs.
Mompert.

One characteristic trait in her conduct is worth mentioning. She would
not look a second time at the paper Lush had given her; and before
ringing for her maid she locked it up in a traveling-desk which was at
hand, proudly resolved against curiosity about what was allotted to
herself in connection with Gadsmere--feeling herself branded in the
minds of her husband and his confidant with the meanness that would
accept marriage and wealth on any conditions, however dishonorable and
humiliating.

Day after day the same pattern of thinking was repeated. There came
nothing to change the situation--no new elements in the sketch--only a
recurrence which engraved it. The May weeks went on into June, and
still Mrs. Grandco