uffs Nonpareil._

SHORT STORY OF SPEED.

Thisisthewayheracedalong
Ateighteenmilesanhour;
This the speed he walked back home
When busted was his power.

_Exchange._

SONG OF THE AUTOMOBILE.

By Joe Cone.

I am coming, I am coming, don't you hear my thunder roll,
Don't you feel my mighty power thro' your body and your soul;
Don't you dread my awful presence, my momentous throbbing feel?
I'm a dashing, thrashing, bucking, clucking
Auto-mo-bile!

I'm a wonder, I'm a snorter, I'm a bull put on parade,
I'm a devil, I'm a terror for the people who're afraid;
I can paralyze the horses, I can make 'em dance a reel,
I'm a rearing, tearing, rumbling, grumbling
Auto-mo-bile!

Clear the track, ye meek and lowly, for I claim the right of way!
There's no limit to my tenure, or my speed by night or day;
To the woods with everybody, that's the way we devils feel,
I'm a lusty, dusty, ramming, jamming
Auto-mo-bile!

_The Pneus._

GRAVE, GAY, AND EPIGRAMMATIC.

LOVE, THE ILLUSION.

Love is just a cobweb, wet with morning dew;
Love is just a fairy spell, invisible to view;
A tread--a touch too heavy, and the cobweb is not there!
A sigh too long, and lo!--the spell has vanished into air!
Love is just a morning-glory, doomed at noon to die;
Love is only half a story, told in passing by;
Love is gold so delicate, the faintest flame would melt it;
Love's--NOTHING; but--God help the man who's never known nor felt it!

_Helen Rowland in Life._

WON HIS BET.

General Miles, in company with a friend, was walking down Pennsylvania
Avenue, when a person, entirely unknown to the veteran soldier, rushed up
to him, and grasping his hand, said, warmly, "Well, Nelse, old boy, I'll
bet anything you don't remember me!"

"You win!" coldly and laconically replied Miles, as he released himself
from the grasp of the stranger and resumed his walk.--_Woman's Home
Companion._

SORRY HE LEARNED IT.

Attorney William S. Barnes, of San Francisco, has a new office boy. The
last boy with whom he was associated resigned a few days ago because the
law business did not suit his peculiar temperament.

"How long have you been here?" asked Barnes, when the small boy made known
his intention to engage in a different vocation.

"Si