igs, and not himself; a
butcher is a gross man, but a fig-seller is a _grocer_; Joshua never had a
father or mother, because he was the son of a _Nun_; your grandmother and
great-grandmother were your _aunt's sisters_; a leg of mutton is better
than heaven, because nothing is better than heaven, and a leg of mutton is
better than nothing.

Races are matters of _course_; an ass never can be a horse, although he
may be a _mayor_; the Venerable Bede was the mother of Pearl; a baker
makes bread when he _kneads_ it; a doctor cannot be a doctor all at once,
because he comes to it by _degrees_; a man hanged at Newgate has taken a
_drop_ too much; the _bridle_ day is that on which a man leads a woman to
the _halter_. Never mind the aspirate; in punning all's fair.

Puns interrogatory are at times serviceable. You meet a man carrying a
hare: ask him if it is his own _hare_, or a wig?--there you stump him. Why
is Parliament Street like a compendium? Because it goes to a _bridge_. Why
is a man murdering his mother in a garret a worthy person? Because he is
above committing a crime. Instances of this kind are innumerable; and if
you want to render your question particularly pointed, you are, after
asking it once or twice, to say "D'ye give it up?"--then favor your
friends with the solution.

Puns scientific are effective whenever a scientific man or men are in
company, because, in the first place, they invariably hate puns,
especially those which are capable of being twisted into jokes which have
no possible relation to the science of which the words to be joked upon
are terms; and because, in the next place, dear, laughing girls, who are
wise enough not to be sages, will love you for disturbing the
self-satisfaction of the philosophers, and raising a laugh or titter at
their expense.

Where there are three or four geologists of the party, if they talk of
their scientific tours made to collect specimens, call the old ones
"ninny-hammers," and the young ones "chips of the old block"; and then
inform them that claret is the best specimen of _quartz_ in the world.

If you fall in with a botanist who is holding forth, talk of the quarrels
of flowers as a sequel to the loves of the plants, and say they decide
their differences with _pistols_.

In short, sacrifice everything to the pursuit of punning, and in the
course of time you will acquire such a reputation for waggery that the
whole company will burst into an immoderate fit of