ted
with an old South-American Gold Mine, about to be reworked under the
auspices of a new company who have bought it for a mere song. When I
tell my clients that I have got all my information from the Chairman,
_who took down under his greatcoat a carpet-bag full of crushed quartz
carefully mixed with five ounces of gold nuggets_, and emptied this
out at the bottom of a disused shaft, and then got a Yankee engineer
to report the discovery of ore in "lumps as big as your fist," and
state this in the new prospectus, they will at once see what a solid
foundation I have for this new venture, which must inevitably fly
upwards by leaps and bounds as soon as the shares are placed upon the
market. Of course, when the truth comes out, there will be a reaction,
but my clients may trust me to be on the look-out for that, and, after
floating with all their investments to the top of the tide, to get
out of the concern with enormous profits before the bubble eventually
bursts. It is by a command of information of this kind that I hope to
ensure the confidence and merit the support of my friends and patrons.
Remember Monday next, and bear in mind a cheque for three-and-sixpence
covers L5000. The subjoined is from my correspondence:--

Sir,--I have as trustee for five orphan nieces to invest for each
of them L3 18s. 9d., left them by a deceased maternal cousin. How
ought I to invest this to the greatest advantage with a due regard
to security. What do you say to Goschens? Or would you recommend Rio
Diavolos Galvanics? These promise a dividend of 70 per cent., and
although they have not paid one for some time, are a particularly
cheap stock at the present market price, the scrip of the Five per
Cent. Debenture Stock being purchased by a local butterman at seven
pounds for a halfpenny. A Spanish Nobleman who holds some of this,
will let me have it even cheaper. What would you advise me to do?
Yours, &c. A TRUSTEE IN A FOG.

Don't touch Goschens, they are not a speculative Stock. You certainly
might do worse than the Rio Diavolos Galvanics. Do not hesitate, but
put the little all of your five orphan nieces into them at once, and
_wait for the rise_.

* * * * *

ON THE CARDS.

(_BY A WHIST-LOVING MALADE-IMAGINAIRE._)

Oh, where shall I hit on a "perfect cure"?
(What ails me I am not quite sure that I'm sure)
To Nice, where the weather is nice--with vagaries?
The Engadine soft or the sunny Ca