nd and bunkie "Hickey" Flynn: "Av coorse, Moiles
will be after sendin' a message to Lazelle to bring the Ateenth fut up
at once, and thin the smashin' we will be after givin' them rid divils
will make a wake look sick."

"Aw cum off, Hickey," said Sullivan, "phat the divil does yez know av
foightin' injuns? Phat were ye over in the auld sod? Nathin' but a turf
digger. Phat were ye here before ye 'listed? Dom ye, I think ye belong
to the Clan na Gael and helped to murther poor Doc Cronin, bad cess to
ye."

A display of authority on the part of the top sergeant prevented a clash
and the jaw-breaking contest proceeded. By this time the news had spread
and the entire garrison were talking. Just as I was about to tell them
that it was a fake pure and simple, I happened to glance towards my
office, and Holy Smoke! there was my captain standing on his tiptoes (he
was only five feet four) reading that confounded bulletin. I hadn't
counted on any of the officers reading it. Generally they didn't get up
until eight o'clock and by that time I would have destroyed the fake
report.

The officers' club was in the same building as my office and the captain
had come down early, evidently to get a--to read the morning paper
(_which came at 4 P. M._) and his eye lighted on my bulletin. I saw him
read it carefully, and then reaching up he tore it from the board and as
quick as his little legs would carry him, he made a bee line for the
commanding officer's quarters. I knew full well how the colonel would
regard that bulletin when he found out it was a fake. I was able to
discern a summary court-martial in my mind's eye, and that would knock
my chances for a commission sky-highwards--because a man's military
record must be absolutely spotless when he appears for examination. What
was I to do? Just then I saw the captain go up the colonel's steps, ring
the bell, and in a moment he was admitted. I felt that my corpse was
laid out right then and there and the wake was about to begin.

A few moments later the commanding officer's orderly came in, and
looking around for a minute, caught sight of me and said:

"Corporal, the commanding officer wants to see you at his quarters at
once," and out he went. "Start the band to playing the 'Dead March in
Saul,'" thought I, "because this is the beginning of a funeral
procession in which I am to play the leading part." I walked as slowly
as I could and not appear lagging, but I arrived at my cremato