theatre.
Ever go into one of the latter places? The first thing that greets your
eye is a big black and white sign "Buy a drink and see the show."
Inside, at one end, is the long wooden bar, presided over by some thug
of the highest order, with a big diamond stuck in the centre of a broad
expanse of white shirt front. At the other end is the so-called stage,
while scattered about indiscriminately are the tables and chairs. The
air is filled--yea, reeking--with the fumes of bad whiskey, stale beer,
and the odor of foul smelling cheap tobacco smoke, and through all this
haze the would-be "show," goes on, and the applause is manifested by
whistles, cat calls, the pounding of feet on the floor and glasses on
the tables. Occasionally some artist (?) will appear who does not seem
to strike the popular fancy and will be greeted by a beer glass or
empty bottle being fired at his or her head.

Now, at the time of which I speak, my prospects were very slim, and as
nature had endowed me with a fair singing voice, I had just about made
up my mind to go to the Palace Variety Theatre and ask for a position as
a vocalist. I could, at least, sing as well as some of the theatrical
bygones that graced the place. The price of admission in one of these
places is simply the price of a drink. I felt in my pocket and found
that I had one solitary lonely dime, and swinging aside the green baize
door, I entered.

"Gimme a beer," I said laying down my dime. A small glass, four-fifths
froth and one-fifth beer, was skated at me by the bartender from the
other end of the counter, and my dime was raked into the till.

Then I stood around like a bump on a log, trying to screw my courage up
to ask the blear eyed, red-nosed Apollo for a job. Some hack voiced old
chromo was trying to warble "Do they miss me at home," and mentally I
thought "if he had ever sung like that when he was at home they were
probably glad he had left." The scene was sickening and disgusting to
me, but empty stomachs stand not on ceremony, so I turned around and
was just about to accost the proprietor, when Biff! I felt a stinging
whack between my shoulders. Quickly I faced about, all the risibility of
my red headed nature coming to the surface, and there I saw a big
handsome chap standing in front of me. Six feet tall, broad-shouldered,
straight, lithe limbs, denoting herculean strength, a massive head
poised on a well shaped neck, two cold blue eyes, and a face covered by
a