, and we nearly wore the letter out
exhibiting it. It is worn at the folding places now from much handling,
like an autograph letter of Lincoln's or Washington's.

During the following year a new firm of agents took possession of us, who
knew us not, so that the next October, when we wanted heat, the same
patronizing manner greeted the Angel when he telephoned for permission to
have the janitor light the furnaces.

"Oh, no. Oh, no, Mr.--er--Really, we couldn't consider such a request,"
came a voice.

"Look here," said Aubrey. "I am the man who went to the Waldorf last
year when the agent refused us heat and took twenty-seven dollars out of
the rent. You may have heard of me."

"What name, sir? Oh, Jardine! Yes, Mr. Jardine, you shall have heat
within an hour."

The next morning the janitor--also a new one by the way--told the Angel
that he got a telephone message from the agent to start a fire in the
furnace if he had to tear off wooden doors and burn them!

"All of which goes to show," said Aubrey to me, "that somebody ought to
write a book on 'The Value of the Kicker.'"

CHAPTER V

HOW WE TAMED THE COOK

Second only to the skill required in managing a husband is the diplomacy
necessary in the art of living with one's cook. Therefore let the
unmarried pass this over, feeling that the time for them to read it is
not yet, but let those who have a cross-grained, crotchety, obstinate, or
bad-tempered cook take this to a quiet corner and hear my tale. While it
may not be exactly your experience it cannot fail to touch a responsive
chord, for whether you have already had a spoiled cook or not, rest
assured that you will have one some day, and do not scorn to make her the
subject of deep and earnest study and the object of diplomatic
negotiations.

In our case Mary was old and obstinate, but her virtues were too many to
dismiss her without valiant efforts made to reform her in one or two
particulars. It is, alas! but too true, that perfection does not exist,
especially in cooks. But as even her failings leaned to virtue's side we
bore and bore with her, making light of our inconveniences, and
pretending not to notice that we could never make her do anything that
she had not wanted to do beforehand. It was a good deal of a strain on
us sometimes, for we are self-respecting folk, with excellent opinions of
ourselves.

But among her good points was an absolute reverence for food. She never
wasted