And strove our senses to deceive
By just imagining him thinner;

We heard a crack, a burst, a groan,
We felt a broadside round us battered,
We _saw_ his buttons fiercely blown
About our heads, and piecemeal scattered!

The suit had split; the boy was bare
Of clothes designed to last for ages;
We gave him notice then and there--
This _volume_, so to speak, of pages!

* * * * *

SONG TO BE SUNG IN HAYMARKET ORCHESTRA DURING OVERTURE.--"Oh, why
should we wait till to-morrow? See _Queen of Manoa_ to-night!"

* * * * *

ON A GUERNSEY EXCURSION CAR.

_The car, drawn by four horses, and crowded with Excursionists
on pleasure bent, is toiling up the steep streets of St. Peter
Port, when it comes to a sudden halt._

[Illustration: "Endeavours to assume a knowing and horsey
expression."]

_Excursionists_ (_impatiently_). Now then, what's this? What are we
stopping here for?

_The Driver_. Ladies and Gentlemen, you will thoroughly understand
that it is customary for the car to stop here, in order that the
party may be photographed, thus providing an agreeable souvenir of
the trip, and a useful means of identification at Scotland Yard. (_A
Photographer appears in the road with a camera, and the party prepare
themselves for perpetuation in a pleased flutter_.) P'raps, Sir--(_to
a Mild Man on the box-seat_)--you'd like to be taken 'andling the
ribbons? Most of our Gentlemen do.

[_The Mild Man accepts the reins, and endeavours to assume a
knowing and horsey expression._

_A Timid Lady_ (_behind_). I _do_ hope no Gentleman will take the
reins, unless he is thoroughly accustomed to driving four-in-hand.
Suppose they took it into their heads to run away suddenly!

_Driver_ (_solemnly_). Don't you alarm yourself about that, Ma'am, in
the very slightest degree. These 'osses take that pride in themselves,
they'd stop here all day rather than spoil their own likenesses!

[_The M.M. intimates that he is no novice in the art of
driving, which is fairly true as regards a pony-trap--and the
fears of the_ T.L. _are allayed._

_Photographer_. Now, steady all, please, those at the further ends of
the seats stand up so as to come into the picture, a little more to
the right, please, the gentleman in the straw 'at, turn your 'ead a
trifle more towards the camera, the lady in the pink shirt,--that's
bette