* * * *

BRIEF INTERVIEW.

"And," asked our deferential Interviewer, "what did your Lordship
reply to the deputation about Uganda?"

Lord ROSEBERY at once answered, "I said little, but I--"

"_Ment-more_," interrupted the Private Secretary, sticking a label on
his Lordship's travelling bag.

"Quite so," said Lord ROSEBERY, and off he went.

* * * * *

BAD FOR WOULD-BE "ENGLISH WIVES"--It is reported that "Yankee Girls
and American Belles were the feature of the Miscellaneous Market."
This should put our young men on their mettle--tin, of course, for
choice. No reasonable offer refused.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "HOW IT'S DONE!"

(_Hard on Sketchley, who was there at the time and in the thick of it,
and has just had his Picture photographed._)

"OH! MR. SKETCHLEY, HOW CLEVER OF YOU TO PAINT SUCH A LARGE PICTURE
FROM SUCH A SMALL PHOTOGRAPH!"]

* * * * *

LAYS OF MODERN HOME.

NO. V.--MY BUTTONS!

[Illustration]

It wasn't that he blacked the plate
And rouged the boots, and breathed, half-choking,
Half-snorting, when he leaned to wait;
Although these habits _are_ provoking.

It wasn't that he sang his fill,
Although his mouth with food was giving;
This latter, as a feat of skill,
Might have procured the lad a living.

It wasn't that he'd purchase hosts
Of squibs and sweets to mess the pantry;
That horrid boy, and broomstick-ghosts
On timid JANE would oft, and ANN try.

These petty peccadilloes might
Have all improved with careful training.--
It was his shameless appetite
That gave us cause for most complaining.

He swilled and stuffed as never mere
Adult voracity can own to;
He was a "growing boy," I fear;
I wonder much what he has grown to!

He wore away our forks and spoons
With hard, incessant gormandizing;
The Baker's, and, for some blue moons,
The Milkman's bill were quite surprising.

[Illustration]

He cost us more in Butcher's meat
And Grocer's tea, and things from Cutlers,
He cost, I solemnly repeat,
Far more than two or three big Butlers.

And thus his fat increased until't
Became a show that sight bewilders;
We trembled for our mansion built,
You see, by noted Jerry-builders.

At length (you'll scarce the fact believe)
One evening, as we sat at dinner,