an adviser (every person being as it were
infatuated, and not knowing what to do), I remained for awhile
a silent spectator of what was going on; and after revolving
the matter in my mind, I determined to choose what I thought
the lesser of two evils and stay by the ship; for I had no
doubt that those who went on shore, in the launch, would be
put to death by the savage natives, whereas the Otaheitans
being a humane and generous race, one might have a hope of
being kindly received, and remain there until the arrival of
some ship, which seemed, to silly me, the most consistent with
reason and rectitude.

'While this resolution possessed my mind, at the same time
lending my assistance to hoist out the boats, the hurry and
confusion affairs were in, and thinking my intention just, I
never thought of going to Mr. Bligh for advice; besides, what
confirmed me in it was, my seeing two experienced officers,
when ordered into the boat by Mr. Christian, desire his
permission to remain in the ship (one of whom, my own
messmate, Mr. Hayward), and I being assisting to clear the
launch of yams, he asked me what I intended to do? I told
him, to remain in the ship. Now this answer, I imagine, he has
told Mr, Bligh I made to him; from which, together with my not
speaking to him that morning, his suspicions of me have
arisen, construing my conduct into what is foreign to my
nature.

'Thus, my dearest mother, it was all owing to my youth and
unadvised inexperience, but has been interpreted into villany
and disregard of my country's laws, the ill effects of which I
at present, and still am to, labour under for some months
longer. And now, after what I have asserted, I may still once
more retrieve my injured reputation, be again reinstated in
the affection and favour of the most tender of mothers, and be
still considered as her ever dutiful son.

'I was not undeceived in my erroneous decision till too late,
which was after the captain was in the launch; for while I was
talking to the master-at-arms, one of the ringleaders in the
affair, my other messmate whom I had left in his hammock in
the berth (Mr. Stewart), came up to me, and asked me, if I was
not going in the launch? I replied, No--upon which he told me
not to think of such a thing as re