by?

THE COUNT. That is a secret for the present.

BANNAL. You dont expect me to know what to say about a play when I dont
know who the author is, do you?

THE COUNT. Why not?

BANNAL. Why not! Why not!! Suppose you had to write about a play by
Pinero and one by Jones! Would you say exactly the same thing about
them?

THE COUNT. I presume not.

BANNAL. Then how could you write about them until you knew which was
Pinero and which was Jones? Besides, what sort of play is this? thats
what I want to know. Is it a comedy or a tragedy? Is it a farce or
a melodrama? Is it repertory theatre tosh, or really straight paying
stuff?

GUNN. Cant you tell from seeing it?

BANNAL. I can see it all right enough; but how am I to know how to take
it? Is it serious, or is it spoof? If the author knows what his play
is, let him tell us what it is. If he doesnt, he cant complain if I dont
know either. _I_'m not the author.

THE COUNT. But is it a good play, Mr Bannal? Thats a simple question.

BANNAL. Simple enough when you know. If it's by a good author, it's a
good play, naturally. That stands to reason. Who is the author? Tell me
that; and I'll place the play for you to a hair's breadth.

THE COUNT. I'm sorry I'm not at liberty to divulge the author's name.
The author desires that the play should be judged on its merits.

BANNAL. But what merits can it have except the author's merits? Who
would you say it's by, Gunn?

GUNN. Well, who do you think? Here you have a rotten old-fashioned
domestic melodrama acted by the usual stage puppets. The hero's a naval
lieutenant. All melodramatic heroes are naval lieutenants. The heroine
gets into trouble by defying the law (if she didnt get into trouble,
thered be no drama) and plays for sympathy all the time as hard as she
can. Her good old pious mother turns on her cruel father when hes going
to put her out of the house, and says she'll go too. Then theres the
comic relief: the comic shopkeeper, the comic shopkeeper's wife, the
comic footman who turns out to be a duke in disguise, and the young
scapegrace who gives the author his excuse for dragging in a fast young
woman. All as old and stale as a fried fish shop on a winter morning.

THE COUNT. But--

GUNN [interrupting him] I know what youre going to say, Count. Youre
going to say that the whole thing seems to you to be quite new and
unusual and original. The naval lieutenant is a Frenchman who cracks up
the English and runs