und--I can't go on like this;
These second persons singular of verbs
Are far too tricky; once involved in these,
For instance, "lovedst" and "spreadst" and "stillst" and "gapest,"
And thousands more--once, as I say, involved
In these too clinging tendrils one is done;
And so I find I cannot write an ode,
Not even a ten-syllabic blank-verse ode,
In second persons singular of verbs,
In "snifflest" and in "wheezest" and the rest,
For I am sure to trip and spoil the thing,
And bring grammatic censure on my head.
Be, therefore, plural--"you" instead of "thou"--
Which makes things simpler. Now we can get on.
O fain-avoided and most loathsome Cold,
You with the sneezing, teasing, wheezing airs,
What make you here at such a time as this,
Melting my snowy store of handkerchiefs,
Rasping my throat and bringing aches to range
At large within the measure of my head?
Platoon-Commanders of the Volunteers,
Who now are recognised (three cheers!) at last,
And of whose number I who write am one,
Should be immune from colds; they sound absurd
When bidding men to "boove to th' right id Fours,"
Or "order arbs" (or slope) or "stad at ease,"
Or "od the left" (or right) to "forb platood."
Even the most submissive men begin
To lose respect when such commands ring out.
Wherefore, my cold--_atchoo_, _atchoo_--be off,
Lest I report you and your deeds aright
To Mr. TENNANT at the War Office.

* * * * *

In the cast of The Real Thing at Last:--

"Nearly murdered ... Mr. Godfrey Tearle (by permission of the
Adelphi Theatre Co.)."--_Daily Telegraph._

A sorry return for Mr. TEARLE'S excellent work.

* * * * *

"THE FLOODS IN HOLLAND.

General Goethals states that he cannot predict a date for
reopening the Panama Canal on account of the uncertainty of the
movement of the slides."--_North China Daily News._

It looks like an infringement of the Monroe doctrine.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Artistic Lady (who has just had her drawing-room
redecorated)._ "Well, cook, what do you think of it?"

_Cook._ "It's a bit bare-like, isn't it, Mum? I dessay I'm
old-fashioned, but I never reely feel an 'ome's an 'ome without a
Haspidisterer."]

* * * * *

RECIPROCITY IN FICTION.

Forthcoming Masterpieces.

"It is not often," says a