m utter destruction.

In this isolated country town the coming of the schoolmaster in his
tour of boarding around, was the great social event of the year to
each family in this Barrington, so called from the numerous children
which the mothers bear. The fatted pig was invariably killed in his
honor, and he was regaled with fried pork, roast pig, broiled hog,
sausages, and doughnuts reeking with swine fat _ad nauseam_, galore.
The teacher was thus made bilious, dyspeptic and so ugly, that he
tried to get even with his carnivorous tormentors by making it "as
hot" as possible for their offspring.

At the opening of the school, this long and lank fifteen year old
pedagogue faced sixty pupils from the "a, b, c, tot" to the brawny
twenty-one-year-older, spoiling for a fight. When I assayed to take a
seat, the half-sawed-off hind legs of the chair gave way, and I fell
heels in air upon the dirty floor amid the yells and cat-calls of this
tumultuous army; then the stalwart ringleader came forward to throw me
into the snow bank, where my predecessor was nearly smothered with his
head under the snow and his feet uplifted to heaven.

I quickly pulled a concealed ruler, and with a blow on the head,
knocked the young giant sprawling, then utilizing all my athletic
training, I tripped and banged his followers till they fled pell-mell
to their benches. Finally, I hypnotized my audience with great
eloquence, stating that I would give them teaching or clubbing as they
might prefer. My sweet sixteen, black-eyed girl cousin gave efficient
aid, winning the girls to my side; they secured the alliance of their
sweethearts, and the victory was complete.

I soon found that some of the bright country lads and lasses knew
more than myself about the "three R's," but by getting a key to the
arithmetic, and trimming the midnight candle I managed to keep ahead
of the game.

In this strictly agricultural town, I found every type of the genuine
unadulterated yankee stock. When I called on Mrs. Jones to furnish her
share of the perambulating schoolmaster's provisions, she remarked, "I
can eat you, but I can't sleep you, because I have no spare bedroom."
With feigned terror, I said that I feared I would not be a very
toothsome subject for a cannibal, thereupon she gave me the glad
hand, "come right in, my poor thing, and we will fat you up for our
Thanksgiving dinner." I entered, and ate my hog and doughnuts with
gladness of heart, for she was the