THE HUSBAND WHO WAS TO MIND THE HOUSE

BY GEORGE WEBBE DASENT

Once on a time there was a man so surly and cross he never thought
his wife did anything right in the house. So one evening, in haymaking
time, he came home, scolding and swearing, and showing his teeth and
making a dust.

"Dear love, don't be so angry; there's a good man," said his goody;
"to-morrow let's change our work. I'll go out with the mowers and mow,
and you shall mind the house at home."

Yes, the husband thought that would do very well. He was quite
willing, he said.

So, early next morning, his goody took a scythe over her neck, and
went out into the hayfield with the mowers and began to mow; but the
man was to mind the house, and do the work at home.

First of all he wanted to churn the butter; but when he had churned a
while he got thirsty, and went down to the cellar to tap a barrel of
ale. So, just when he had knocked in the bung, and was putting the tap
into the cask, he heard overhead the pig come into the kitchen. Then
off he ran up the cellar steps, with the tap in his hand, as fast as
he could, to look after the pig, lest it should upset the churn; but
when he got up, and saw the pig had already knocked the churn over,
and stood there, routing and grunting amongst the cream which was
running all over the floor, he got so wild with rage that he quite
forgot the ale-barrel, and ran at the pig as hard as he could. He
caught it, too, just as it ran out of doors, and gave it such a kick
that piggy lay for dead on the spot. Then all at once he remembered
he had the tap in his hand; but when he got down to the cellar, every
drop of ale had run out of the cask.

Then he went into the dairy and found enough cream left to fill the
churn again, and so he began to churn, for butter they must have at
dinner. When he had churned a bit, he remembered that their milking
cow was still shut up in the stable, and hadn't had a bit to eat or
a drop to drink all the morning, though the sun was high. Then all at
once he thought 'twas too far to take her down to the meadow, so he'd
just get her up on the housetop--for the house, you must know, was
thatched with sods, and a fine crop of grass was growing there. Now
their house lay close up against a steep down, and he thought if he
laid a plank across to the thatch at the back he'd easily get the cow
up.

But still he couldn't leave the churn, for there was his little babe
crawling about on t