nnot be
helped. I was going to say, pray for me, but I forgot that you will
not get this till "it is bedtime, Hal, and all is well." The
publication of my play is not to take place till after this Reform
fever has a little abated.

Dear H----, this is Wednesday, the 23rd; Monday and King John and
my Constance are all over; but I am at this moment still so _deaf
with nervousness_ as not to hear the ticking of my watch when held
to one of my ears; the other side of my head is not deaf any longer
_now_; but on Monday night I hardly heard one word I uttered
through the whole play. It is rather hard that having endeavored
(and succeeded wonderfully, too) in possessing my soul in peace
during that trial of my courage, my nervous system should give way
in this fashion. I had a knife of pain sticking in my side all
through the play and all day long, Monday; as I did not hear myself
speak, I cannot tell you anything of my performance. My dress was
of the finest pale-blue merino, all folds and drapery like my
Grecian Daughter costume, with an immense crimson mantle hung on my
shoulders which I could hardly carry. My head-dress was exactly
copied from one of my aunt's, and you cannot imagine how curiously
like her I looked. My mother says, "You have done it better than I
believe any other girl of your age would do it." But of course that
is not a representation of Constance to satisfy her, or any one
else, indeed. You know, dear H----, what my own feeling has been
about this, and how utterly incapable I knew myself for such an
undertaking; but you did not, nor could any one, know how
dreadfully I suffered from the apprehension of failure which my
reason told me was well founded. I assure you that when I came on
the stage I felt like some hunted creature driven to bay; I was
really half wild with terror. The play went off admirably, but I
lay, when my part was over, for an hour on my dressing-room floor,
with only strength enough left to cry. Your letter to A---- revived
me, and just brought me enough to life again to eat my supper,
which I had not felt able to touch, in spite of my exhaustion and
great need of it; when, however, I once began, my appetite
justified the French proverb and took the turn of voracity, and I
devoured like a Homeric hero. I pro