Blood isn't necessary to preserve life. I know what I'm doing. I am
more interested in keeping you alive than you yourself. Listen, my
friend, as soon as I have bled you, I'll cook up a delicious lunch.

Dudley
Ah, that would be nice.

Peacock
I want to give you something appetizing. What do you like to eat?

Dudley
Mutton chops.

Peacock
Bah! What bad spirit put such a detestable thought in your head? It's
too fatty and it clogs your bowels.

Dudley
I seem to have heard that apothecaries like jelloes.

Peacock
True. But, between you and me, they only sell them. They actually
prefer stuffed dates.

Dudley
Really--well, how about a nice roast beef?

Peacock
Nothing is more indigestible.

Dudley
Give me pork, then.

Peacock
Too likely to have trichinosis. Dirty.

Dudley
Too dirty, too sweet, too hard, too fatty. What the devil do you want
me to eat?

Peacock
An ounce of fresh cheese?

Dudley
Fresh cheese?

Peacock
With two or three glasses of laxatives.

Dudley
I am dead and buried

(Enter Trippet.)

Trippet
Sir, there's a man down there who insists on speaking to you.

Peacock (going out)
Let's see what he wants of us.

(Exit Peacock.)

Dudley
Ah!

Trippet
You sigh! What caused you to sigh like that, my poor Dudley?

Dudley
They're going to bleed me again and give me an enema.

Trippet
What's wrong with you?

Dudley
They say I have extended diaphragm muscles, and I don't know how many
other maladies. Yet, I don't feel a bit sick.

Trippet
That's terrible, my friend, that's terrible. Not to know what's wrong.

Dudley
Since I've been in this house, I've lost more blood than I did in
twenty years as a soldier.

Trippet
I believe it.

Dudley
Doctor Peacock intends to make me the last survivor of my group--but
if this keeps up, I won't last another month.

Trippet
That's a chance you take.

Dudley
Let's speak openly. Even if I survive the bleeding, I won't survive
the diet. I'll starve.

Trippet
He practices austerity in his own eating habits.

Dudley
Aie! How can I resist him. He thinks I'm weak and prescribes for my
maladies. He watches my food. He forbids me wine. Damn his medicine
and science. It would be better not to interfere with nature.

Trippet
To forbid wine to a man of your type is the same as forbidding women
to a man of a different sort.

Dudley
Trippet, my dear Trippet, are you capable of pity?

Trippet
Without a doubt. What can I do