m the Board of Trade, and stated that, owing to a misprint,
the recent decision concerning ink had been misunderstood. It was not
ink that was to be restricted, but zinc. (Cheers.) In the circumstances
perhaps they might adjourn.

The meeting then broke up peaceably, although Mr. Bernard Jaw did his
best to collect an audience for a new speech on the monstrosity of
interfering with zinc.

* * * * *

"Count Bernstorff finds that the Washington Government has left
him in the air. Seemingly he is at sea."--_Morning Post._

As was said of a nobler character, "the elements are so mixed up in
him."

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Jones (left at home to mind the children)._ "IF THE
PAPER'S ANYTHING TO GO BY, WE MARRIED MEN WILL ALL BE IN THE ARMY BY
JULY. IT SEEMS A LONG TIME TO WAIT."]

* * * * *

THE EXPERT ADVISER.

I met him near the entrance of the Institute, where I was waiting to see
the Superintendent. He approached with light, nervous steps, and his
haggard eyes met mine questioningly.

"A fine morning," I remarked.

"It is," he agreed; "and if you would be good enough to tell me the day
of the week--"

"It's Saturday," I said, wondering a little.

"I--I feared so," he said and clutched me by the arm. "Listen. This is
the day when I have to make up my five columns--seven hundred lines,
brevier type. It is my destiny to give advice, and you can have it
without the asking. Take, for example, the Rhode Island Rabbit--a noble
strain and rich in phosphates. Plant out at the beginning of April in a
mixture consisting of two parts road-grit, two parts table-scraps, and a
deed of assignment, and by the end of October they will be throwing up
magnificent clusters of yellow blossom. The Magellan Lop-eared is also
hardy and prolific, though pugnacious if reared under glass. In the
absence of a specified agreement a dose of tartaric acid that has been
well stewed with the mutton left over from Sunday will usually put
matters straight. Snip off shoots that show signs of becoming broody,
and give a mash of middlings at quarter-day.

"We now come to the Light Sussex Long-furred Goatlings. These can be
kept in hutches, which may be obtained at any oil-shop at about
fivepence per pint. Grasp firmly by the wings when lifting, and explain
the matter to your solicitor. Short-haired Pouters should be housed in
kennels which