-care for us both!

That remark of your sister's delights me--you remember?--that the
anger would not be so formidable. I have exactly the fear of
encountering _that_, which the sense of having to deal with a ghost
would induce: there's no striking at it with one's partizan. Well, God
is above all! It is not my fault if it so happens that by returning my
love you make me exquisitely blessed; I believe--more than hope, I am
_sure_ I should do all I ever _now_ can do, if you were never to know
it--that is, my love for you was in the first instance its own
reward--if one must use such phrases--and if it were possible for
that ... not _anger_, which is of no good, but that _opposition_--that
adverse will--to show that your good would be attained by the--

But it would need to be _shown_ to me. You have said thus to me--in
the very last letter, indeed. But with me, or any _man_, the instincts
of happiness develop themselves too unmistakably where there is
anything like a freedom of will. The man whose heart is set on being
rich or influential after the worldly fashion, may be found far enough
from the attainment of either riches or influence--but he will be in
the presumed way to them--pumping at the pump, if he is really anxious
for water, even though the pump be dry--but not sitting still by the
dusty roadside.

I believe--first of all, you--but when that is done, and I am allowed
to call your heart _mine_,--I cannot think you would be happy if
parted from me--and _that_ belief, coming to add to my own feeling in
_that_ case. So, this will _be_--I trust in God.

In life, in death, I am your own, _my_ own! My head has got well
already! It is so slight a thing, that I make such an ado about! Do
not reply to these bodings--they are gone--they seem absurd! All steps
secured but the last, and that last the easiest! Yes--far easiest! For
first you had to be created, only that; and then, in my time; and
then, not in Timbuctoo but Wimpole Street, and then ... the strange
hedge round the sleeping Palace keeping the world off--and then ...
all was to begin, all the difficulty only _begin_:--and now ... see
where is reached! And I kiss you, and bless you, my dearest, in
earnest of the end!

_E.B.B. to R.B._

Monday.
[Post-mark, January 27, 1846.]

You have had my letter and heard about the penholder. Your fancy of
'not seeming grateful enough,' is not wise enoug