substitution, in place of the
promised ten minutes, of an allowance to each speaker of a minute,
or at most a minute and a half for his interview, which it may
confidently be expected will not unfrequently take the following
shape:--

_Inexorable Official_. Now, Sir; your turn next.

[_Shuts intending London Talker in, and switches him "on."_

_London Talker_. Dear me! How quick they are, one hardly knows what
one is about. I wonder how loud, now, one ought to speak. Better
shout. Anyhow, I'll try that first. (_At the top of his voice through
the tube._) Hullo! Hi! I say. Are you there?

_Paris Listener_ (_replying_). Oh! don't bawl like that. Of course I'm
here, I've been waiting quite half a minute; thought you were never
going to begin. But I suppose it is JONES I am speaking to?

_London Talker_. Oh yes, I'm JONES. It's all right. But can't you
recognise my voice?

_Paris Listener_. Not when you bawl fit to break the drum of one's
ear. But come, now, get on quick with what you want to say.

_London Talker_. All right--I'll get on. But now tell me, do I pitch
my voice about right now? Can you catch distinctly all I say?

_Paris Listener_. Oh yes! Bother! But do get on. Timesgoifast.

_London Talker_. What? I didn't catch that last word. Time's what?

_Paris Listener_ (_very distinctly, with emphasis_). I
said--that--time--was--going fast. Can you hear that?

_London Talker_. Oh yes, I can hear that, and most distinctly. Really,
it is a most wonderful invention.

_Paris Listener_. Oh, bother the invention! Do come to business! What
did you want me for?

_London Talker_. Oh. of course. Well, it was just this. I thought--

_Inexorable Official_. Time's up, Sir. Trouble you to make room for
this Lady.

[_Switches him "off," and turns him out._

* * * * *

"THAT CON-FOUNDLAND DOG!"

Mr. JOHN BULL _loquitur_:--

"Love me, love my Dog!" Well, _I_ don't want to flog
The fine but excitable fellow.
With a nip on his tail e'en a Bull wouldn't fail
To bounce round a bit, and to bellow.
I'd do my square best with the greatest good will,
If only he'd--just for a moment--stand still.

Stand still, with a nip like crocodile's grip
On one's caudal appendage? Ah, just so!
I know 'tis a task that seems _too_ much to ask.
I'm reasonable,--or I trust so.
But there _is_ the Lobster, it's holding on fast.
And--hang it! this state of affairs