, too, by the hope of relief, and at length forced
to the conviction of a _lasting affliction_ (the cure of which may go on
for years, and perhaps after all prove impracticable).

Born with a passionate and excitable temperament, keenly susceptible to the
pleasures of society, I was yet obliged early in life to isolate myself,
and to pass my existence in solitude. If I at any time resolved to surmount
all this, oh! how cruelly was I again repelled by the experience, sadder
than ever, of my defective hearing!--and yet I found it impossible to say
to others: Speak louder; shout! for I am deaf! Alas! how could I proclaim
the deficiency of a sense which ought to have been more perfect with me
than with other men,--a sense which I once possessed in the highest
perfection, to an extent, indeed, that few of my profession ever enjoyed!
Alas, I cannot do this! Forgive me therefore when you see me withdraw from
you with whom I would so gladly mingle. My misfortune is doubly severe from
causing me to be misunderstood. No longer can I enjoy recreation in social
intercourse, refined conversation, or mutual outpourings of thought.
Completely isolated, I only enter society when compelled to do so. I must
live like an exile. In company I am assailed by the most painful
apprehensions, from the dread of being exposed to the risk of my condition
being observed. It was the same during the last six months I spent in the
country. My intelligent physician recommended me to spare my hearing as
much as possible, which was quite in accordance with my present
disposition, though sometimes, tempted by my natural inclination for
society, I allowed myself to be beguiled into it. But what humiliation when
any one beside me heard a flute in the far distance, while I heard
_nothing_, or when others heard _a shepherd singing_, and I still heard
_nothing_! Such things brought me to the verge of desperation, and wellnigh
caused me to put an end to my life. _Art! art_ alone, deterred me. Ah! how
could I possibly quit the world before bringing forth all that I felt it
was my vocation to produce?[2] And thus I spared this miserable life--so
utterly miserable that any sudden change may reduce me at any moment from
my best condition into the worst. It is decreed that I must now choose
_Patience_ for my guide! This I have done. I hope the resolve will not fail
me, steadfastly to persevere till it may please the inexorable Fates to cut
the thread of my life. Perha