a share in your confidence and esteem, as would have secured me
against your apprehended worst constructions of what I should from time
to time have revealed to you, and consulted you upon. For never was
there a franker heart; nor a man so ready to accuse himself. [This,
Belford, is true.] But you know, Madam, how much otherwise it has been
between us.--Doubt, distance, reserve, on your part, begat doubt, fear,
awe, on mine.--How little confidence! as if we apprehended each other to
be a plotter rather than a lover. How have I dreaded every letter that
has been brought you from Wilson's!--and with reason: since the last,
from which I expected so much, on account of the proposals I had made you
in writing, has, if I may judge by the effects, and by your denial of
seeing me yesterday, (though you could go abroad, and in a chair too, to
avoid my attendance on you,) set you against me more than ever.

I was guilty, it seems, of going to church, said the indignant charmer;
and without the company of a man, whose choice it would not have been to
go, had I not gone--I was guilty of desiring to have the whole Sunday to
myself, after I had obliged you, against my will, at a play; and after
you had detained me (equally to my dislike) to a very late hour over-
night.--These were my faults: for these I was to be punished: I was to be
compelled to see you, and to be terrified when I did see you, by the most
shocking ill humour that was ever shown to a creature in my
circumstances, and not bound to bear it. You have pretended to find free
fault with my father's temper, Mr. Lovelace: but the worst that he ever
showed after marriage, was not in the least to be compared to what you
have shown twenty times beforehand.--And what are my prospects with you,
at the very best?--My indignation rises against you, Mr. Lovelace, while
I speak to you, when I recollect the many instances, equally ungenerous
and unpolite, of your behaviour to one whom you have brought into
distress--and I can hardly bear you in my sight.

She turned from me, standing up; and, lifting up her folded hands, and
charming eyes swimming in tears, O my father, said the inimitable
creature, you might have spared your heavy curse, had you known how I
have been punished ever since my swerving feet led me out of your
garden-doors to meet this man!--Then, sinking into her chair, a burst
of passionate tears forced their way down her glowing cheeks.

My dearest life, [takin