glum,
To see how everything goes on the same;
Some day, I s'pose, _my_ turn 'll come,
When I'll have to try on poor JAKE'S little game,
And they won't mind me any more, I'll bet.
Than they do him.--Off, here, sir?--G'long, JEANETTE!

* * * * *

[Illustration: A FITFUL YOUTH.

_Younger Party_. "LOOK HERE, VAN, CAN'T YOU LEAVE THOSE "PERSONALS"
ALONE, FOR A MINUTE, AND GIVE ME A CANDID OPINION ON THE BACK FIT OF MY
NEW COAT?"]

* * * * *

AUTUMN SONG.

Leaves are falling (though, coal is not,)
And pumpkins are yellow, and maids are blue;
Potatoes and apples begin to rot;
There's many a liver congested, too.

The dews stay late on the cabbage-leaf,
And the red, red beet forsakes the ground;
And lovers' wanderings grow more brief,
And fewer loafers are loafing around.

The celery rivals the turnip fair;
There's new delight in the tender steak;
And boys go munching the chestnut rare,
Without one thought of the stomach-ache.

The last of the cattle-shows is seen;
The monster squash to the cows is fed;
Everything's brown that once was green,
Except tomatoes, and they are red.

The drowsy citizen hates to rise;
The hash may be cold, but so is the air:
'Tis heaven to slumber, for now the flies
Are less affectionate, and more rare.

And who is the busiest man we see?
'Tis the Doctor, dashing by in his chaise;
And well may he hurry, you will agree,
For it isn't every patient that pays.

'Tis a rare, rare season,--so breezy and bright!
The dahlias, and even the squashes, are gay!
One wouldn't regret the cold at night,
If it wasn't so deucedly cold by day.

A wandering shiver inspires the doubt
Whether Indian Summer will come this year;
But its warmth can be felt when you don't go out,
And it's haze may be seen through a glass of beer.

* * * * *

Query for Romancers.

Used the Knights of the Round Table ever to get a "Square meal"?

* * * * *

SARSFIELD YOUNG ATTENDS A COUNTY FAIR.

DEAR PUNCHINELLO: From early ages, man has been a tiller of the soil. My
ancestors were pretty much all in this line of business. My venerable
great-grandfather-in-law came over in the Mayflower, and thou