off against the sheet iron of the wall, which,
if necessary, can be thrown down finally by our own men, who will finish
their business with the bayonet and the sword.'

"My second visitor had something not less formidable to propose;
namely, a sledge-hammer, fifteen miles in circumference, and weighing
ten millions of tons. It was to be lifted up to a certain altitude by
means of balloons. A favourable wind had to be waited for, which would
send the balloons in the direction of Versailles, where the ropes
confining the hammer would be cut. In its fall it would crush and bury
the head-quarters and the bulk of the German army.

"The third showed me the plan of a musical mitrailleuse, which would
deal death and destruction while playing Wagner, Schubert, and
Mendelssohn, the former by preference. 'The Germans,' he remarked, 'are
too fond of music to be able to resist the temptation of listening. They
are sure to draw near in thousands when my mitrailleuses are set
playing. We have got them at our mercy.' I asked him to send me a small
one as a sample: he promised to do so."

Another evening I was induced to go to the Alcazar. I had been there
once before, to hear Theresa. This time it was to see an "Exhibition of
Engines of War," and to listen to a practical lecture thereon. The
audience was as jolly as if the Germans were a thousand miles
away--jollier, perhaps, than when they listened to "Rien n'est sacre
pour un sapeur;" because they were virtually taking part in the
performance. The lecturer began by an exhibition of bullet-proof pads,
by means of which the soldier might fearlessly advance towards the
enemy; "because they render that part of the body on which they are worn
invulnerable." A wag among the spectators made a remark about
"retreating soldiers," which I cannot transcribe; but the exhibitor, an
Italian or Spanish major, to judge by his accent, was in no way
disconcerted. He placed his pad against an upright board in the shape of
a target and began firing at it with a revolver at a distance of four or
five paces. The material, though singed, was not pierced, but the
spectators seemed by no means convinced. "You wear the pad, and let me
have a shot at you," exclaimed one; at which offer the major made a long
face. "Have you ever tried the experiment on a living animal?" asks
another. "Perfectly," replied the major; "I tried it on my clerk," which
admission was hailed with shouts of laughter. There were cries