ss
fussy ladies, and then Racey had to say "No, ma'am"--"I'm sure I can't
say, ma'am," like Pierson in her grumpiest voice. And one day something
very funny--at least long afterwards it turned out to be very
funny--happened, when we were playing that way. I must tell you about it
before I go on with the straight part of my story.

It was a wet day and no _real_ ladies had been to see the house, so we
thought as we had nothing to do we'd have a good game of pretence ones.
Racey had to be Pierson this day (of course Pierson didn't _know_ he was
acting her), and we were doing it very nicely, for a dreadfully fussy
lady had been only the day before and we had still got her quite in our
heads. I--being the lady, you know--knocked at the nursery cupboard
door, and when Tom the footman opened it, I stood pretending to look
round the entrance hall.

"Dear me, what a _very_ shabby vestibule," I said. "Not _near_ so
handsome as mine at Victoria Terrace--quite decries the house. Oh, young
man," I went on, pretending to see Tom for the first time, "this house
is to be sold, I hear? Its appearance is not what I'm accustomed to, but
I may as well give a look round, as I'm here."

And so I went on, finding fault with the dining-room, drawing-room,
&c.--Tom giving very short replies, except when a fit of laughter nearly
choked him, till I was supposed to have reached the first floor where
the imaginary Pierson took me in charge.

"You don't mean to say this is the _best_ bedroom?" I said, "how _very_
small!"

"Yes, ma'am, because you're so very fat. I daresay it _does_ seem small
to you," said Racey.

This brilliant inspiration set Tom and me off laughing so that we could
hardly speak.

"Oh, Racey," I said, returning to my real character for a minute,
"Pierson wouldn't really say that."

"She said she'd have _liked_ to say it to that ugly lady yesterday,"
said Racey. "I heard her telling Banks so, on the stair." (Banks was the
name of the real footman.) "She said, 'I'd like to tell that wat'"
(Racey couldn't say "_f_" he always call _fat_, _wat_, and _feet_,
_weet_) "'old woman that it's no wonder our rooms isn't big enough for
_her_.' And Banks did so laugh."

"Well, go on, Audrey. Perhaps Racey'll think of some more funny things,"
said Tom.

So I proceeded with my inspection of the house.

"What very common papers!" I said, looking up at the walls with an
imaginary eye-glass. "I am always accustomed to a great deal of