dland dell
Where the pipes of Pan blow purely;
I have sampled these as well.

Do not harp upon your hollow
Tales of Somewhere-by-the-Sea
Patronised by Ph. Apollo;
'Tisn't good enough for me.

No, nor urge me, friend, to hasten
To your "cloudless alien climes,"
Hungering for my Fleece like Jason--
I've been fleeced there many times.

No, not one of your romances
Can, I say, provide a lure;
Not one spot on earth's expanses
For my ailment find a cure.

Others may enjoy each jolly day
Somewhere with their hard-earned pelf;
But, for me, I want a holiday
From my super-silly self.

* * * * *

THE NUT.

From a story in _Munsey's Magazine_:

"My father was a clergyman in a college community; and that explains
my home in a nutshell."

It doesn't. The father should have been a vegetarian in a Garden City
community.

* * * * *

"Captain Roald Amundsen has qualified for his pilot's certificate at
the military camp near Christiania. An officer of the Flying Corps
first took him for a preliminary flight round the course, showing
him what tests were required. Suddenly the elevator broke and the
aeroplane fell nose downwards to the ground 40 feet below. Captain
Amundsen escaped unhurt."--_South Wales Echo._

So he got through the first test all right.

* * * * *

"SMALL SURREY SCORE.

ONLY HAYES AND HITCH SHINE AT NORTHAMPTON."

_Westminster Gazette._

Surrey should have been at home, where HAYES and HITCH would have found
an excellent third in Old Sol, who shone at his best.

* * * * *

"CLACTON.--A Lady would be glad to hear of anyone wishing to Join
House-Party from August 14th to September 10th. Minute from sea and
ten golf links."--_Advt. in "Times."_

Personally we find that, at our usual rate of divot-removing, five
golf-links will last us a month. Ten is an unnecessary extravagance.

* * * * *

Illustration: _Polite little boy_ (_suffering from repletion_). "OH,
PLEASE MISS, DON'T ASK ME TO HAVE ANY MORE; I CAN'T SAY NO."

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(_By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks_).

I think I should have detected what was the primary Trouble with _A Lad
of Kent_ (MACMILLAN) if Mr. HERB