row--owes me L350--bill due
Monday,--says he will _clear off all by then!_ If 'money' is said to be
a 'friend,' what must a _friend_ with _money_ be?--A golden treasure,
doubly dear--a companion that can never be a drag, because too well
off."

Thus closes the Christmas portion of the Brown Diary:--its author, as
customary on Saturday, dyeing his hair, before retiring to rest. But,
somehow, that eventful evening, Brown could not repose in peace; he
abused his best friends in sleep--dreaming the De Camps capable of
decamping, after the bridal breakfast, with the dowry, across the
sea--leaving Jemima and Angelina married vestals,--to make more money
and fresh conquests in _Virginia_ or _Marryland_:--whither old Brown
feels bound to follow, in his night shirt, but is incapacitated, being
tied to the earth by a pigtail springing from the organs of amativeness,
philoprogenitiveness, inhabitiveness, and adhesiveness! So exciting is
Brown's dream, that he fancies the De Camps escaping--now, the banging
door of the Albert fairly awakening the sleeper; who, on attempting to
rise, finds the pillow really a fixture to the back of his head; which
he tears away, in a rage, causing all the pleasing sensations that might
be experienced on the removal of a tail by the roots. Brown rushes
wildly to the window, opening the casement; and, upon looking into the
pitch-dark night, he receives a blow from without, that causes him to
stagger and reel backwards, falling to the floor, with a noise that
makes Mrs. Brown rise in a fright, obtain a light, and severely
reprimand her lord as a drunken fool--capable of any wild fancy!

The naked truth stands thus:--Poor Brown has mistaken a bottle of gum
for hair-dye, and a closet for the casement--bruising his forehead
against the shelf; so, he creeps back to bed--there to lie, moralizing
upon cause and effect!--Thinking, how trifling things, in themselves,
may lead to disastrous consequences--reflecting upon the rival
bottles:--one black--all deceit, the other white and trusty! "Be not
precipitate, nor trust to appearances only, lest you be
deceived!"--a maxim, Brown fears, he cannot apply to the Captain; for,
never did he know less of a man, of whom he ought to have known more.

The 5th of January seemed to Brown as if it would never dawn!--The bump
that took away and restored his senses, or, rather, sobered that
gentleman, feels like an egg placed in the centre of his forehead--he
longs for day