ard _gag_
To make the blighters stop.

O. S.

* * * * *

=THE LANGUAGE FOR LOGIC.=

"Very well," I said, "if Jones is laid up I'll go round myself."

Our French visitor chuckled quietly and then shrugged his shoulders by
way of apology.

"Pardon," he murmured with the most disarming politeness, "but your
English language it is so veray funny, and I 'ave not yet become quite
used to it. Is it not that it lack the accuracy, what you call the
logic, of the French?"

"Indeed," I said, without the least interest.

But my wife was all enthusiasm. She clapped her hands in delighted
agreement. "M. du Val is quite right, Dickie," she said. "We are a
frightfully illogical lot, aren't we? I mean, the French are able to
say just exactly what they mean."

"Your reinforcement, Madame, it completes my victory," replied the
Frenchman with a graceful gesture. "_Voyez, M'sieu'_," he added,
turning to me, "you 'ave just said zat your friend is laid _up_, when
the unfortunate truth is zat he is laid _down_, and because of zat you
will encircle, surround, make a tour of your person."

"There, you see," said my wife flatly, "it's all utterly illogical.
Think how logical the French are."

"Well, let us work it out," I said in hearty agreement. "As a start
I solemnly declare that the French are not so logical as they don't
think."

"As they _don't_ think?" repeated my wife in surprise.

"Ah!" I retorted, "you are not so observant as you might not be. I was
merely giving you a little French idiom, 'logically' and 'accurately
done into English.'"

"Mister," I next asked our ally, "your visit to England, will she be
prolonged?"

"Who's the lady?" interrupted my wife.

"M. du Val's visit, of course, dear," I informed her. "You forget that
the French are particularly logical with their genders."

"M'sieu'!" murmured the guest, rather puzzled.

"I asked," I went on for M. du Val's edification, "because if you
stay long enough you may have the pleasure of meeting the parents of
Mistress my wife. They are coming to the house of us next month. His
father is extremely anxious to see her daughter, whom he has not seen
since his wedding--"

"Whom in the world are you talking about?" muttered my wife.

"Monsieur will readily understand," I said wickedly, "that I allude
to my wife and their parents. I hope they will bring his brother with
them."

"'Her,' you should say," my wife put in with