love in a cottage is
an overrated pastime--especially when you can't get the cottage--and
decide to wait a few years till a house or two has been built.

That is the chief function of the trombone--to pursue those who are
wandering in the clouds and bring them to earth with a crash.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Press Photographer_ (_to perfect stranger while
arranging group on departure of popular personage_). "HOLD YOUR HAT UP
AND CHEER."]

* * * * *

=The Triumphs of Art.=

"WOMAN SCULPTOR IN THE KREMLIN.
BOLSHEVIST BUSTS."

_"Times" headlines._

* * * * *

"Rhodes bowled Ryder for a duck, and off his very next ball he got
Moyes smartly stumped by Dolphin at point."

_Irish Paper._

DOLPHIN must have acquired "the long arm of coincidence."

* * * * *

"LETTS CLASH WITH POLES."

_Japan Gazette._

No, don't let's.

* * * * *

"Autumn made a lightning spring into winter yesterday."--_Daily
Paper._

England's seasons seem to be getting hopelessly intermingled.

* * * * *

"---- Htl.--S. asp. Magnificently equipped."--_Daily Paper._

Patronized by the late QUEEN CLEOPATRA.

* * * * *

"TO LET, Furnished Bedroom, beard optional, terms
moderate."--_Local Paper._

Would suit almost any young shaver.

* * * * *

"A telephone call office has been opened at Mumps Post
Office."--_Official notice._

SUBSCRIBER.--Can you give me Mumps?

OPERATOR.--No, but I have got a bad cold if that is any use to you.

* * * * *
[Illustration: "WELL, AND WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE AGAIN?"

"FORCE OF 'ABIT."]

* * * * *

MY WEATHER-GUIDE.

I was admiring Cripstock's barometer.

"Take it," he said.

"My dear Cripstock!" I exclaimed, as I pulled it from the wall.

"My dear fellow!" he replied, in tones more of gratitude than of
generosity.

I have fastened it in my hall at the regulation distance from the
hat-rack and between the assegais. It will be nice company for the
dinner-gong, which it faces. I purposely did not place them side by
side, for fear of any error in tapping.

These delicate contrivances do not readily settle down in