eternal
picture and scene of suffering before me. I could find no one who
was willing for love or for money to help me or relieve me for one
night or day. The disease was so offensive as well as frightful,
that no one could stop in the room. One of the Prussian "Sisters"
who went up with me, kindly assisted me sometimes until she came
down. In this state did J. find me on his return from England. His
family was up in Aaleih, and he used to ride over occasionally to
see P. and prescribe some new medicine for him, but his skill was
baffled with this terrifying disease, and poor P. remained in this
agonizing state of suffering for five whole months without leaving
his bed. He was carried down on a litter to Beirut, where he has
been since. He took a little room by himself, and gives lessons in
English until something more prosperous turns up for him. Twenty
years' experience seemed to be added to my life in those three
months of anxiety I went through last summer; and what a picture of
suffering and grief was I, after this, myself. No wonder if I feel
entirely used up this winter, and feel it a great effort to live.

There is not the slightest prospect of my ever getting back my lost
property from that man--as he has long since left the country, and
is said to be a great scoundrel and a very dishonorable man. If he
were not, he would never have risked the earnings of a poor orphan
girl by asking for it on the eve of his bankruptcy. Had I my
property I might perhaps have given up teaching for a while, and
gone away for a little change and rest, but God has willed it
otherwise, no doubt for some wise purpose, and to some wise end,
although so difficult and incomprehensible at present. It is all
doubtless for the trial of my faith and trust in Him. Let me then
trust in Him! Yea, though He slay me, let me yet trust in Him! Has
He ever yet failed me? Has He not proved Himself in all ages to be
the Father and the God of the orphan and the widow? He must see
that I need these troubles and sorrows, or He would not send them,
for my Father's hand would never cause his child a needless tear. A
bruised reed He will not break, but will temper the storm to the
shorn lamb; I will then no longer be dejected and cast down, but
look upward and trust in my Heavenly Fath