dence
of at least one citizen's return to the pre-war breakfast has given
rise in some quarters to hopes of an early peace.

***

It must have been something more than carelessness that caused an
evening contemporary to announce in a recent edition: "Since the
commencement of the War three solicitors have become brigandiers."

***

It is reported that two Leicestershire farm labourers have brought up
twenty-nine children between them. It is hoped that the news will not
cause any allotment enthusiasts to abandon their holdings.

***

Another hotel has been commandeered by the National Service
Department. The task of preparing lists of men and women who would be
willing to perform National Service if they were not already engaged
in it is assuming colossal proportions.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Teuton writes_: "I am sad at heart, dear Gretchen.
Despite my weak sight they have for some reason drafted me into the
shock troops."]

* * * * *

A Chinese butcher's reply to a complaint of short weight:--

"Butcher said he had gave to your coolie with full weight and
expecting your coolie fall down some of them on the road."

* * * * *

LESSONS OF THE WAR.

II.

(_The Ophir Gold Pantomime Syndicate issues its Preliminary
Instructions for the Production of its Annual Pantomime._)

PRELIMINARY INSTRUCTIONS.

O.G.P.S. 42/B/26.

_November 20th_, 1919.

1. _General Outline_.

It is the intention of the Ophir Gold Pantomime Syndicate to attack
and capture the Public Favour on the night of the 26/27 December,
1919.

As foreshadowed in the preliminary Press Notices (which will be issued
later) the production will outstrip all previous productions both in
wit and splendour.

The Preliminary Bombardment will be carried out by Press Agents of all
calibres.

The General Scheme will be as laid down in the West-End Managers'
Standard Formation of Pantomimes.

Zero time will probably be at 7 P.M.

If the operation is successful it will be repeated daily until further
(fortnight's) notice, and every endeavour will be made to exploit the
success to the full.

2. _Advertisements_.

No opportunity for advertisement will be neglected.

Advance Agents will reconnoitre the ground thoroughly and secure the
best hoardings available.

The Leading Lady will lose her jewels not later