f any but myself in the whole span of universal existence to live
more than one life upon that curious, compact little ball of land
and water called the Earth, but, in any event, to me has fallen that
privilege or distinction, or whatever it may be, and upon the record
made by me in four separate existences, placed centuries apart, four
residents of this sphere are basing their claims to notice, securing
election to our clubs, and even venturing so far at times as to make
themselves personally obnoxious to me, who with a word could expose
their wicked deceit in all its naked villainy to an astounded community.
And in taking this course they have gone too far. There is a limit
beyond which no man shall dare go with me. Satisfied with the ultimate
embodiment of my virtues in the Baron Munchausen, I have been disposed
to allow the impostors to pursue their deception in peace so long as
they otherwise behave themselves, but when Adam chooses to allude to
my writings as frothy lies, when Jonah attacks my right as a literary
person to tell tales of leviathans, when Noah states that my ignorance
in yachting matters is colossal, and when William Shakespeare publicly
brands me as a person unworthy of belief who should be expelled from the
Associated Shades, then do I consider it time to speak out and expose
four of the greatest frauds that have ever been inflicted upon a
long-suffering public.

To begin at the beginning then, let me state that my first recollection
dates back to a beautiful summer morning, when in a lovely garden I
opened my eyes and became conscious of two very material facts: first, a
charming woman arranging her hair in the mirror-like waters of a silver
lake directly before me; and, second, a poignant pain in my side, as
though I had been operated upon for appendicitis, but which in reality
resulted from the loss of a rib which had in turn evoluted into the
charming and very human being I now saw before me. That woman was Eve;
that mirror-like lake was set in the midst of the Garden of Eden; I was
Adam, and not this watery-eyed antediluvian calling himself by my name,
who is a familiar figure in the Anthropological Society, an authority on
evolution, and a blot upon civilization.

I have little to say about this first existence of mine. It was full
of delights. Speech not having been invented, Eve was an attractive
companion to a man burdened as I was with responsibilities, and until
our children were born