started
from the place where the first stopped seeing, and went on. The recital
did not raise the ghost of a smile, and Governor Hoard then said to the
German: "Well, you see, the joke is lost upon you; you can't see
American humor."

[Illustration: "THAT'S A TAMNT LIE!"]

"Oh, but," said the German, "that is not humor, that's a _tamnt_ lie!"

And he is still convinced that he can see through an American joke.

* * * * *

_Grand Rapids, April 24._

Have had to-day a lovely, sublime example of that preposterousness which
so often characterizes American humor.

Arrived here this morning from Chicago. At noon, the Grand Rapidite who
was "bossing the show" called upon me at the Morton House, and kindly
inquired whether there was anything he could do for me. Before leaving,
he said: "While I am here, I may as well give you the check for
to-night's lecture."

"Just as you please," I said; "but don't you call that risky?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I may die before the evening."

"Oh, that's all right," he interrupted. "I'll exhibit your corpse; I
guess there will be just as much money in it!"

* * * * *

Grand Rapids is noted for its furniture manufactories. A draughtsman,
who is employed to design artistic things for the largest of these
manufactories, kindly showed me over the premises of his employers. I
was not very surprised to hear that when the various retail houses come
to make their yearly selections, they will not look at any models of the
previous season, so great is the rage for novelties in every branch of
industry in this novelty-loving America.

[Illustration: MY EXHIBITOR.]

No sinecure, that draughtsman's position, I can tell you.

Over in Europe, furniture is reckoned by periods. Here it is an affair
of seasons.

Very funny to have to order a new sideboard or wardrobe, "to be sent
home without delay" for fear of its being out of date.

[Illustration]

CHAPTER XLIII.

GOOD-BY TO AMERICA--NOT "ADIEU," BUT "AU REVOIR"--ON BOARD THE
"TEUTONIC"--HOME AGAIN.

_New York, April 26._

THE last two days have vanished rapidly in paying calls.

This morning my impresario gave me a farewell breakfast at the Everett
House. Edmund Clarence Stedman was there; Mark Twain, George Kennan,
General Horace Porter, General Lloyd Bryce, Richard Watson Gilder, and
many others sat at table, and joined in wishing me _b