The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or The London Charivari, Vol. 101,
August 15, 1891, by Various

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Title: Punch, or The London Charivari, Vol. 101, August 15, 1891

Author: Various

Release Date: September 18, 2004 [EBook #13491]

Language: English

Character set encoding: ASCII

*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH ***

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PUNCH,

OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 101.

August 15, 1891.

A TERRIBLE TALE.

[Illustration]

Alas! it had of course to be!
For weeks I had not left my room,
When one fell day there came on me
An awful doom.

A burly rough, who drank and swore,
Without a word--I could not shout--
Attacked me brutally, and tore
My nails right out.

Then, dragging me out to the air--
No well-conducted conscience pricked him--
He mercilessly beat me there,
His helpless victim.

With cruel zest he beat me well,
He beat me till in parts I grew--
I shudder as the tale I tell--
All black and blue.

But what on earth he was about,
I could not guess, do what I would;
But when at length he cleaned me out
I understood.

Yet do not shed a tear, because
You've heard my story told in metre,
For I'm a Carpet, and he was
A Carpet-Beater.

* * * * *

LEAVES FROM A CANDIDATE'S DIARY.

_Thursday, June 12_.--Letters from Billsbury arrive by every post,
Horticultural Societies, sea-side excursions, Sunday School pic-nics,
cricket club _fetes_, all demand subscriptions, and, as a rule,
get them. If this goes on much longer I shall be wound up in the
Bankruptcy Court. Shall have to make a stand soon, but how to begin is
the difficulty. Pretty certain in any case to put my foot down in the
wrong place, and offend everybody. Amongst other letters came this
one:--

_4, Stone Street, Billsbury, June 10._

[Illustration: "I will give any security you like."]

Sir,--I venture to appeal to your generosity in a matter which I am
sure you will recognise to be of the highest importance.