FREE BOOKS

Author's List




PREV.   NEXT  
|<   275   276   277   278   279   280   281   282   283   284   285   286   287   288   289   290   291   292   293   294   295   296   297   298   299  
300   301   302   303   304   305   306   307   308   309   310   311   312   313   314   315   316   317   318   319   320   321   322   323   324   >>   >|  
deed; but that very exceptionalness, her tinge of education, her previous life might, one would have thought, have killed her at the first step on that revolting path. What held her up--surely not depravity? All that infamy had obviously only touched her mechanically, not one drop of real depravity had penetrated to her heart; he saw that. He saw through her as she stood before him.... "There are three ways before her," he thought, "the canal, the madhouse, or... at last to sink into depravity which obscures the mind and turns the heart to stone." The last idea was the most revolting, but he was a sceptic, he was young, abstract, and therefore cruel, and so he could not help believing that the last end was the most likely. "But can that be true?" he cried to himself. "Can that creature who has still preserved the purity of her spirit be consciously drawn at last into that sink of filth and iniquity? Can the process already have begun? Can it be that she has only been able to bear it till now, because vice has begun to be less loathsome to her? No, no, that cannot be!" he cried, as Sonia had just before. "No, what has kept her from the canal till now is the idea of sin and they, the children.... And if she has not gone out of her mind... but who says she has not gone out of her mind? Is she in her senses? Can one talk, can one reason as she does? How can she sit on the edge of the abyss of loathsomeness into which she is slipping and refuse to listen when she is told of danger? Does she expect a miracle? No doubt she does. Doesn't that all mean madness?" He stayed obstinately at that thought. He liked that explanation indeed better than any other. He began looking more intently at her. "So you pray to God a great deal, Sonia?" he asked her. Sonia did not speak; he stood beside her waiting for an answer. "What should I be without God?" she whispered rapidly, forcibly, glancing at him with suddenly flashing eyes, and squeezing his hand. "Ah, so that is it!" he thought. "And what does God do for you?" he asked, probing her further. Sonia was silent a long while, as though she could not answer. Her weak chest kept heaving with emotion. "Be silent! Don't ask! You don't deserve!" she cried suddenly, looking sternly and wrathfully at him. "That's it, that's it," he repeated to himself. "He does everything," she whispered quickly, looking down again. "That's the way out! That's the explanation," he d
PREV.   NEXT  
|<   275   276   277   278   279   280   281   282   283   284   285   286   287   288   289   290   291   292   293   294   295   296   297   298   299  
300   301   302   303   304   305   306   307   308   309   310   311   312   313   314   315   316   317   318   319   320   321   322   323   324   >>   >|  



Top keywords:
thought
 

depravity

 

explanation

 

suddenly

 

whispered

 

answer

 

revolting

 

silent

 

deserve

 
wrathfully

repeated

 

sternly

 

listen

 

obstinately

 

miracle

 

quickly

 

stayed

 
expect
 
danger
 
intently

madness

 

rapidly

 

forcibly

 

glancing

 

probing

 

squeezing

 

flashing

 

refuse

 
emotion
 

heaving


waiting
 
madhouse
 

penetrated

 
obscures
 
abstract
 
sceptic
 

mechanically

 

touched

 
previous
 
education

exceptionalness
 

killed

 

infamy

 
surely
 
believing
 

children

 

loathsomeness

 

senses

 

reason

 

loathsome