ut
reduced to the size of a homeopathic pill, at that. That is about the
style of conscience I am pining for. If I only had you shrunk you down
to a homeopathic pill, and could get my hands on you, would I put you in
a glass case for a keepsake? No, sir. I would give you to a yellow dog!
That is where you ought to be--you and all your tribe. You are not fit
to be in society, in my opinion. Now another question. Do you know a
good many consciences in this section?"

"Plenty of them."

"I would give anything to see some of them! Could you bring them here?
And would they be visible to me?"

"Certainly not."

"I suppose I ought to have known that without asking. But no matter,
you can describe them. Tell me about my neighbor Thompson's conscience,
please."

"Very well. I know him intimately; have known him many years. I knew him
when he was eleven feet high and of a faultless figure. But he is very
pasty and tough and misshapen now, and hardly ever interests himself
about anything. As to his present size--well, he sleeps in a cigar-box."

"Likely enough. There are few smaller, meaner men in this region than
Hugh Thompson. Do you know Robinson's conscience?"

"Yes. He is a shade under four and a half feet high; used to be a blond;
is a brunette now, but still shapely and comely."

"Well, Robinson is a good fellow. Do you know Tom Smith's conscience?"

"I have known him from childhood. He was thirteen inches high, and
rather sluggish, when he was two years old--as nearly all of us are at
that age. He is thirty-seven feet high now, and the stateliest figure in
America. His legs are still racked with growing-pains, but he has a good
time, nevertheless. Never sleeps. He is the most active and energetic
member of the New England Conscience Club; is president of it. Night
and day you can find him pegging away at Smith, panting with his labor,
sleeves rolled up, countenance all alive with enjoyment. He has got his
victim splendidly dragooned now. He can make poor Smith imagine that the
most innocent little thing he does is an odious sin; and then he sets to
work and almost tortures the soul out of him about it."

"Smith is the noblest man in all this section, and the purest; and
yet is always breaking his heart because he cannot be good! Only a
conscience could find pleasure in heaping agony upon a spirit like that.
Do you know my aunt Mary's conscience?"

"I have seen her at a distance, but am not acquainted with her.