terested agents. We are appointed by authority, and haven't
anything to say in the matter. We obey orders and leave the consequences
where they belong. But I am willing to admit this much: we do crowd
the orders a trifle when we get a chance, which is most of the time. We
enjoy it. We are instructed to remind a man a few times of an error; and
I don't mind acknowledging that we try to give pretty good measure. And
when we get hold of a man of a peculiarly sensitive nature, oh, but
we do haze him! I have consciences to come all the way from China and
Russia to see a person of that kind put through his paces, on a special
occasion. Why, I knew a man of that sort who had accidentally crippled
a mulatto baby; the news went abroad, and I wish you may never commit
another sin if the consciences didn't flock from all over the earth
to enjoy the fun and help his master exorcise him. That man walked the
floor in torture for forty-eight hours, without eating or sleeping, and
then blew his brains out. The child was perfectly well again in three
weeks."

"Well, you are a precious crew, not to put it too strong. I think I
begin to see now why you have always been a trifle inconsistent with me.
In your anxiety to get all the juice you can out of a sin, you make
a man repent of it in three or four different ways. For instance, you
found fault with me for lying to that tramp, and I suffered over that.
But it was only yesterday that I told a tramp the square truth, to wit,
that, it being regarded as bad citizenship to encourage vagrancy, I
would give him nothing. What did you do then: Why, you made me say to
myself, 'Ah, it would have been so much kinder and more blameless to
ease him off with a little white lie, and send him away feeling that if
he could not have bread, the gentle treatment was at least something to
be grateful for!' Well, I suffered all day about that. Three days before
I had fed a tramp, and fed him freely, supposing it a virtuous act.
Straight off you said, 'Oh, false citizen, to have fed a tramp!' and I
suffered as usual. I gave a tramp work; you objected to it--after the
contract was made, of course; you never speak up beforehand. Next, I
refused a tramp work; you objected to that. Next, I proposed to kill a
tramp; you kept me awake all night, oozing remorse at every pore. Sure
I was going to be right this time, I sent the next tramp away with my
benediction; and I wish you may live as long as I do, if you didn't m