me as horrible as a crime; her eyes flashed white and
were extinguished; and I saw her no more. Shivering with cold and
despair I remained on my knees and waited to see whether she would not
come again.

An eternity of time passed by.

Then I perceived that another rain of fiery blossoms descended, and
covered her place too.

I arose painfully and groaning; hopeless, I left the bench and hastened
with weak tottering steps to get into the sun. Warmth, burning heat was
the only thing I was still able to wish for. Near to the rustling of
the water, I lay down on a bench in the glaring sun; and when I there,
as it were, felt the icy frame within me slowly melt, when the
cold sweat on my skin dried up, and the cold shivers ebbed away in
warmth--then I breathed easily, with infinite inspirations of rapture
which were near to bursting my lungs; then I inwardly rejoiced, as
though I had barely escaped death and after the last leap of my
strength had sunk down exhausted by the gate of the promised land. Have
patience; the gate will be opened. Confidence in this hope surged
through me like blood newly revived.

Whence came she? Where is she now? Have I driven her away?

Was the happiness passing all understanding, the rapture like unto none
ever experienced, was this not enough? Oh, that I could not refrain
from asking more and urging for more! Did she not give me more than I
had believed possible only an hour before? Was it weakness, that I felt
her eyes pierce me like icy arrows? Must I not have frightened and
driven her away by that shriek of the weak beast in me? What a wretched
creature I am! Have I not always found cause for discontent in women;
were they not always in my sight too much of the earth earthy--mothers
from the first? And now, when one who steals away to me from who knows
what distant body, a thrilling emotion, an unearthly powerful light,
then I tremble in terror like a child before the evil one! I have
wounded her, have frightened her away with my shriek for flesh and
blood!

But she will come again! From the far distance something has impelled
her to come hither, I have drawn her here to me; for only in me on
earth does she find her portion, as also I only in her; and if we miss
each other, we shall forever suffer the penalty. She will come again. I
shall learn patience; I shall purify my strength of all gross capacity
for feeling pain; I shall endure to stand in the presence of her
strength, and sh