tin'
under a palm tree, seein' jinrikishas go by, and Chinas and Japans, to
set and read about the dear ones in Jonesville, and the old mair and
Snip.

The letters wuz full of affection and cheer, and after readin' 'em I
gathered 'em up and sought my pardner to exchange letters with him, as
I wuz wont to do, and I see he had quite a few, but what was my
surprise to see that man sarahuptishushly and with a guilty look try
to conceal one on 'em under his bandanna. And any woman will know that
all his other letters wuz as dross to me compared to the one he was
hidin'. I will pass over my argyments--and--and words, before that
letter lay in my hand. But suffice it to say, that when at last I read
it and all wuz explained to me, groans and sithes riz from my burdened
heart deeper and despairener than any I had gin vent to in years and
years.

And I may as well tell the hull story now, as I spoze my readers are
most as anxious about it as I wuz. Oh, Josiah! How could you done it?
How I do hate to tell it! Must I tell the shameful facts? Oh, Duty!
lower thy strongest apron strings and let me cling and tell and weep.
And there it had been goin' on for months and I not mistrustin' it.
But Duty, I will hold hard onto thy strings and tell the shameful
tale.

Josiah owned a old dwellin' house in the environs of Jonesville, right
acrost from Cap'n Bardeen's, who rented it of him to store things in.
The town line runs right under the house, so the sink is in Zoar, and
the cupboard always had stood in Jonesville. But owin' to Ernest
White's labors and prayers and votes, his and all other good ministers
and earnest helpers, Jonesville went no-license now jest as Loontown
did last year.

And jest as Satan always duz if he gits holt of souls that he can't
buy or skair, he will try to cheat 'em, he is so suttle. It seems that
after we got away that Cap'n Bardeen moved that cupboard over to the
other side of the room into Zoar and went to sellin' whiskey out
on't. Awful doin's! The minute I read the letter I sez:

"Josiah Allen, do you write this very minute and stop this wicked,
wicked works!" Sez I: "No knowin' how many Jonesvillians will feel
their religion a-wobblin' and tottlin' just by your example; naterally
they would look up to a deacon and emulate his example--do you stop it
to once!"

"No, Samantha," sez he, "Cap'n Bardeen and his father owns more cows
than any other Jonesvillians. If I want to be salesman agin in the