S WITH PINAFORES REVERSED."]

It was a solemn spectacle, that court. Two executioners with pinafores
reversed, led me in. Under the shade of an umbrella, I perceived my
Bride, supported by the Bride of the Pirate-Colonel. The President
(having reproved a little female ensign for tittering, on a matter of
Life or Death) called upon me to plead, "Coward or no Coward, Guilty or
not Guilty?" I pleaded in a firm tone, "No Coward and Not Guilty." (The
little female ensign being again reproved by the President for
misconduct, mutinied, left the court, and threw stones.)

My implacable enemy, the Admiral, conducted the case against me. The
Colonel's Bride was called to prove that I had remained behind the
corner-lamp-post during the engagement. I might have been spared the
anguish of my own Bride's being also made a witness to the same point,
but the Admiral knew where to wound me. Be still my soul, no matter. The
Colonel was then brought forward with his evidence.

It was for this point that I had saved myself up, as the turning-point
of my case. Shaking myself free of my guards--who had no business to
hold me, the stupids! unless I was found guilty--I asked the Colonel
what he considered the first duty of a soldier? 'Ere he could reply, the
President of the United States rose and informed the court that my foe
the Admiral had suggested "Bravery," and that prompting a witness wasn't
fair. The President of the Court immediately ordered the Admiral's mouth
to be filled with leaves, and tied up with string. I had the
satisfaction of seeing the sentence carried into effect, before the
proceedings went further.

I then took a paper from my trousers-pocket, and asked: "What do you
consider, Colonel Redforth, the first duty of a soldier? Is it
obedience?"

"It is," said the Colonel.

"Is that paper--please to look at it--in your hand?"

"It is," said the Colonel.

"Is it a military sketch?"

"It is," said the Colonel.

"Of an engagement?"

"Quite so," said the Colonel.

"Of the late engagement?"

"Of the late engagement."

"Please to describe it, and then hand it to the President of the Court."

From that triumphant moment my sufferings and my dangers were at an
end. The court rose up and jumped, on discovering that I had strictly
obeyed orders. My foe, the Admiral, who though muzzled was malignant
yet, contrived to suggest that I was dishonoured by having quitted the
field. But the Colonel himself had done as muc