mud.
_I'm_ responsible for--say Snow-clearing! It stirs up a Beadle's best
blood!
And when they can _Fine_ me for negligence, jest like some rate-paying
scrub--
Oh! Porochial dignity's bust! I must seek a pick-up at my Pub!

[_Does so._

* * * * *

[Illustration: A MODEST REQUEST.

"I HEAR YOU'RE SO CLEVER ABOUT ZENANA WORK. WILL YOU SHOW ME THE
STITCH?"]

* * * * *

"FIRST-CLASS" TRAVELLING

_MADE EASY, BY PAYING A "THIRD-CLASS" FARE AND A SMALL ADDITIONAL
TIP._

(BY ONE WHO HAS DONE IT.)

1. Arrive at station in four-wheeler, accompanied by lots of
superfluous rugs, wraps, air-cushions, and pillows, &c., and if
your domestic arrangements permit of it, two young ladies and one
middle-aged one, who should assume an anxious and sympathetic mien.

2. On your cab drawing up, stay with a gentle forbearance the rush
of the ordinary attentive porter, and request him, as if you had
something important to communicate, to send you "the guard of the
train" by which you propose to travel. On the appearance of this
official, who will not fail to turn up, you will now appeal to one of
your three female assistants, the middle-aged one for choice. Placing
your case, as it were, in her hands, she will, in a half-sympathetic,
half-commanding tone, address the official somewhat as follows:--"This
gentleman, who is travelling to Barminster, and is going third-class
(she makes a point of this), is, as you see, a great invalid, and
he will require (this with a certain sense of being understood to
mean a handsome tip) a carriage to himself." If said with a certain
self-assurance, involving a species of lofty wink, this will probably
be understood in the right sense by the official in question, and will
be probably met by some such assurance as--"The train is very full,
Madam, but I will do my best for the gentleman, and can ensure him, I
think, a compartment to himself, at least, as far as Bolchester, where
I leave the train. But I will explain the matter to my successor, and
I have no doubt that he will be able (this also with a significant
wink) to ensure the gentleman's seclusion. You are, I think, four? If
you will follow me, and take my arm, Sir, I think we shall be able to
manage it for you."

3. Enlist the assistance of several attendant porters, regardless
of apparent outlay, who have been fairly let into your secret, and
are prepa