stale old fruit.
Why should the STANLEY-dowered West
Make the _Anabasis_ a test?

They teach us about Marathon,
But what is Marathon to me?
Tell me of fights still going on,
Men "rightly struggling to be free;"
Nay, _I_ find interest much more brave in
The mill 'twixt Thingummy and SLAVIN.

Oh, feed me not on mythic lore,
But Science and the modern Fact,
Teach me Electric Fires to store,
The difference 'twixt "Bill" and "Act."
Why should a Cockney care a "cuss"
For HOMER or for AESCHYLUS?

For who _are_ they? But what art thou,
My Country? On thy fertile shore
The heroic lyre is tuneless now;
To scheme for dividends, dig for ore,
_These_ are the things we hold divine,
Not HOMER's long-resounding line.

If you would make a splendid name
Amidst a lucre-loving race,
You must be in god Mammon's game,
And hustle for a foremost place.
What do we want with poets here?
For Greece a snub, for Greek a sneer!

Must _we_ still pore o'er classic text
Because our simple fathers said
It made "a gentleman"? What next?
Let the dead languages stay dead!
Hooray for Fact and Rule of Three!
Compulsory Greek is fiddle-de-dee.

Place me on Stock Exchange's steep
With nought to do but sell and buy
To Bull and Bear we need not keep
Our classics up; that's all my eye.
Ho! for the Factory, Mart, and Mine
The toils of Greek our souls decline.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE POOR OVERWORKED PARLIAMENTARY OFFICIAL TRIES TO
ESCAPE FOR A HOLIDAY WITHIN HIS OWN COUNTRY.

The poor overworked official escapes for a holiday

he is observed and followed by a crowd of officials

but Escapes--up in a Balloon
Away!

The wind changes

He flies to the Seaside
Oh horror!

a narrow Escape!

But eventually
lands on his
own estate

and is delighted
to see his tenants
coming out to welcome him!

but it turns out to be
a demonstration against
his policy!!

Escapes on board
a friend's racing
yacht--but
finds that
his political antagonist
is one of the party!!

Alone by the shore
he picks up
a bottle

In it is
a complaint
about his office!!

Joy! upon his native stubble

No! who is this making Political Speech?

His Country House gets too hot for him So

he returns to Town disgusted.

Henry Furniss]