ubmitted; his spinal column being delicate, he dared not
risk it.

Village gossips tell many little incidents connected with the married
life of the twain, which would be invidious to mention here. Suffice it
to say that they were considered fit subjects for the ever-ready pen of
the Poet to seize upon and perpetuate in never-dying verse, for the
benefit of posterity. That the Poet was right in his surmises, we have
only to look around and ascertain how many learned people of all grades
have treasured up in their memory, from infancy, the history of JACK
SPRAT and his wife.

* * * * *

AN OBVIOUS ILLUSTRATION

Scene. A Lunch Counter.

_Customer._ "Waiter, do you call this a milk toast?--why, there's no
milk to be seen."

_Waiter._ "Milk all gone into the toast, sir."

_Customer._ "But there's no toast to speak of."

_Waiter._ "Toast all gone into the milk, sir."

_Customer._ "Ah, ha!--there's an idea in that, by Jove. I'll go straight
home and write a pamphlet upon the new theory of mutual absorption."

_Waiter._ "Yes, sir. Don't forget to mention the Kilkenny Cats, sir!"

* * * * *

[Illustration: ENCOURAGING HOME MANUFACTURES.

_Young Patriot._ "GIMME THREE CENTS WORTH O' CHESTNUTS."

_Female Broker._ "D' YER WANT EYETALIAN ONES?"

_Y. P._ "NO, DARN YER--GIMME AMERICAN ONES."]

* * * * *

COUNT BISMARCK'S ACCOUNT.

BISMARCK'S insolence is really becoming dangerous. He can deny and
contradict the statements made by other Counts, Ambassadors, Kings, or
by himself, without its becoming a matter of sufficient importance to
interest us. Such giving and taking the lie is a part of the business of
persons of this kidney. But he has actually had the audacity to deny the
truthfulness of the report by RUSSELL to the _Times_ of a conversation
held between them. If this thing is not checked in the bud, he will next
be denying--his conversation! with the _Tribune_ "special," as reported
by that ubiquitous observer. What will there be for the world to
believe, if it loses faith in the truthfulness of the papers?

* * * * *

A Con. for the Vatican.

Why is VICTOR EMMANUEL like a tomahawk? Because he is now said to be "a
tool in the hands of the Reds."

* * * * *

THE "LOUDEST" OF SUNDAYS "SWELLS." The Swell of the Church organ.

* *