love alone could influence me. Whatever my
faults might be, I never was false to kindness and trust.--And, so far
as you are concerned--you who are prudence and reason in person--blest
in your love, I should have cared only for your approbation. If I could
have overcome the last of your scruples, I should indeed have been proud
and happy!--I would have brought the sun and stars down from the sky
for you, and have laughed temptation to scorn!--But as it is--instead
of being raised I am lowered, a laughing-stock even in my own eyes. One
with you, I could have led the way on wings to the realms of light where
Perfection holds sway!--But as it is? What a task lies before me!--To
heat your frigid love to flaming point by good deeds, as though they
were olive-logs. A pretty task for a man--to put himself to the proof
before the woman he loves! It is a hideous and insulting torture which I
will not submit to, against which my whole inner man revolts, and which
you will and must forego--if indeed it is true that you love me!"

"I love you, oh! I love you," she cried, beside herself, and seizing his
hands. "Perhaps you are right. I--my God what shall I do? Only do not
ask me yet, to speak the final yes or no. I cannot control myself to the
feeblest thought. You see, you see, how I am suffering!"

"Yes, I see it," he replied, looking compassionately at her pale face
and drawn brow. "And if it must be so, I say: till this evening then.
Try to rest now, and take care of yourself.--But then...."

"Then, during the voyage, the flight, repeat to the abbess all you
have just said to me. She is a noble woman, and she, too, will learn to
understand and to love you, I am sure. She will retract the word I
know...."

"What word?"

"My word, given to her, that I would not be yours...."

"Till I had gone through the Esoteric tests?" exclaimed Orion with an
angry shrug. "Now go,--go and lie down. This hour, which should have
been the sweetest of our lives, a stranger has embittered and darkened.
You are not sure of yourself--nor I of myself. Anything more that we
could say now and here would lead to no good issue for either you or me.
Go and rest; sleep off your pain, and I--I will try to forget.--If you
could but see the turmoil in my soul!--But farewell till our next, more
friendly--I hardly dare trust myself to say our happier meeting."

He hastily turned away, but she called after him in sad lament: "Orion
do not forget--Orion, you