, they howl with fear and rage when some one
incautiously holds up the mirror to their soul.

My indulgent reader should accept all this relatively, not forgetting
that certain grumblings are natural in old age. Of course, I have met
quite a number of most worthy people, absolutely truthful, sincere, and
courageous; I am proud to admit that I found among them also a proper
estimate of my personality. With the support of these friends of mine
I hope to complete successfully my struggle for truth and justice. I am
sufficiently strong for my sixty years, and, it seems, there is no power
that could break my iron will.

At times I am seized with fatigue owing to their absurd mode of life. I
have not the proper rest even at night.

The consciousness that while going to bed I may absent-mindedly have
forgotten to lock my bedroom door compels me to jump from my bed dozens
of times and to feel the lock with a quiver of horror.

Not long ago it happened that I locked my door and hid the key under
my pillow, perfectly confident that my room was locked, when suddenly I
heard a knock, then the door opened, and my servant entered with a
smile on his face. You, dear reader, will easily understand the horror I
experienced at this unexpected visit--it seemed to me that some one had
entered my soul. And though I have absolutely nothing to conceal, this
breaking into my room seems to me indecent, to say the least.

I caught a cold a few days ago--there is a terrible draught in their
windows--and I asked my servant to watch me at night. In the morning I
asked him, in jest:

"Well, did I talk much in my sleep?"

"No, you didn't talk at all."

"I had a terrible dream, and I remember I even cried."

"No, you smiled all the time, and I thought--what fine dreams our Master
must see!"

The dear youth must have been sincerely devoted to me, and I am deeply
moved by such devotion during these painful days.

To-morrow I shall sit down to prepare my lectures. It is high time!

CHAPTER X

My God! What has happened to me? I do not know how I shall tell my
reader about it. I was on the brink of the abyss, I almost perished.
What cruel temptations fate is sending me! Fools, we smile, without
suspecting anything, when some murderous hand is already lifted to
attack us; we smile, and the very next instant we open our eyes wide
with horror. I--I cried. I cried. Another moment and deceived, I would
have hurled myself down, thinking tha