walk up to the counter, assumin' a sham sort
of bounce,
And ask, shame-faced like, for their gargle, 'as p'r'aps is a 'ot
sixteen hounce.

When they git it, a-fume in a tumbler, a-smelling like hegg-chests
gone wrong,
They squirm, ask the snowy-capped gurl, "Is _this_ right?"--"Yes,
Sir. Sixteen ounce, strong!"
Sez the minx with a cold kind o' smile. "Ah--h--h! _per_cisely!"
they smirks, and walks round,
With this "Yorkshire Stinko" in their 'ands--and their 'earts in
their mouths I'll be bound.

Then--Gulp! Oh Gewillikins, CHARLIE! it gives yer the ditherums,
it do.
Bad enough if you 'ave to wolf _one_, but it fair gives yer beans
when 'tis _two_.
The wictims waltz round, looking white, wishing someone would just
spill _their_ wet,
And--there's 'ardly a glass "returned empty" but wot shows its
'eel-taps, you bet!

This is "Taking the Waters" at 'Arrygate! Well, I shall soon take
my 'ook.
Speshal Scotch, at my favourite pub, from that sparkling young
dona, NELL COOK,
Will do me a treat arter this, mate, and come most pertikler A 1.
'Ow I long to be back in "The Village," dear boy, with its bustle
and fun!

Still, the air 'ere's as fresh as they make it, and gives yer a
doose of a peck,
And DUNSING, the Boss at "The Crown," does yer proper. I came 'ere
a wreck;
But sulphur, sound sleep, and cool breezes, prime prog, and good
company tells;
So 'ere's bully for 'Arrygate, CHARLIE, in spite of rum baths and
bad smells.

That Fifty is nearly played out, and my slap at the Ebor went
wrong--
I'd a Yorkshire tyke's tip, too, old man; but I'm stoney, though
still "going strong"
(As _Lord Arthur_ remarks in the play), so no more at "The Crown"
I must tarry,
But if 'Arrygate wants a good word--as to 'ealth--it shall 'ave it
from

'ARRY.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE FIGHTING "FOUDROYANT."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: "TWO'S COMPANY."

_Newspaper Boy_ (_suddenly, at window_). "WANT AN _OBSERVER_,
CAPTAIN?"

_Mathilde_ (_on Honeymoon Trip_). "OH, FREDDIE, DEAR! NO! NO!! _DO_
LET US BE QUITE ALONE!"]

* * * * *

THE FIGHTING "FOUDROYANT"

BEING TUGGED TO ITS LAST