* *

"In those same eighteen days, Sir Edward tells us, 607 ships of over a
hundred tons arrived and 5,873 left our shores. A German newspaper, it
seems, has been asserting that the mere terror of the submarine has
swept the seas clean at one blow. Twelve thousand ships, in and out, in
eighteen days, does not look, Sir Edward dryly remarked, so very like
paralysis."--_The Times_.

Our Thunderer seems to have imitated its Bosch contemporary, for it has
swept the seas of some 6,000 ships by a stroke of the pen.

* * * * *

"THE SPECTATOR" AND "THE TRADE."

A PAINFUL RUMOUR.

Last week one of our representatives had the honour of calling at the
offices of _The Spectator_ to inquire into the credibility of certain
strange rumours that have recently been current in The Trade. They were to
the effect that Mr. ST. LOE STRACHEY, Editor of _The Spectator_, having
gallantly volunteered under the National Service Scheme, had had allotted
to him, by one of the DIRECTOR-GENERAL'S subordinates, a post of national
importance at Messrs. Bassopp's Brewery. Mr. STRACHEY'S fertile and
forcible pen was (so the rumour went) to be employed by this firm in the
drawing up of some pungent advertisements under the headings, "The Weakness
of the Water Movement," "Up, Glasses!" etc., including a verse series, in
Horatian alcoholics, entitled, "Bonnie D.T."

It was reported that in the ironic circumstances in which he found himself,
Mr. STRACHEY felt it his duty to acquiesce loyally in the change of view
imposed upon him, and to adopt a policy of "Down, Spectators!"

Our representative is happy to state that he has the highest authority for
giving an unqualified denial to these sinister allegations.

* * * * *

From a description of a wedding-breakfast:--

"The toast of the presents was also duly honoured."--_South African
Paper_.

After all, next to the bride and bridegroom they are perhaps the most
important feature.

* * * * *

"Field Glasses, powerful magnification; sacrifice, 37/6; cost L175."--_New
Zealand Paper_.

We don't know about the magnification, but the diminution is most
remarkable.

* * * * *

THE EVERLASTING ROMANCE.

The other day I did a perfectly dreadful thing: I intruded, all
unconsciously but in the most blundering way, on a love scene. It w